The Scattered Life of AVW Kimmel

So many good things in my life... but if I'm not happy with ONE thing... CHANGE IT.

2011-10-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

I believe most people struggle with... maybe being jealous of parts of other peoples lives. With all of our lives blown up on facebook with pictures and "status updates" and conversations held online for all to see, I think it's almost impossible for people to not see these parts of our lives that we show everyone and not get jealous about something. It's that part of us that always thinks the grass is greener on the other side, I guess. For me, I generally think of facebook as a way to show of my son.. now anyway... and I love to post things so all my family can keep up to date on what is going on and how he is growing up. However, of course I have done a little... "facebook stalking". You know, you start looking at one persons page which leads you to another and another and so on.. the one thing I get jealous of is when I see girls I knew or know pics and they look so skinny, so good in all their cute outfits, I can't help but think... Ugh, that used to be me! I used to look so cute in everything I tried on and now it takes me hours at the mall to find ONE black, plain dress that I simply decide is acceptable to wear out. After I got back to work when Maddox turned 3 months, I began Weight Watchers and I was working out and I started running as well. I was losing weight and feeling good... but then, as a lot of moms might say, I got 15 pounds from my pre prego weight and the weight loss just stopped. Well, as motivated as I WAS... somewhere along the line I began to get unmotivated as the weight loss started to slow down and what seemed like it completley stopped. So now I am completley off of Weight Watchers, which by the way for a nursing mother is an AMAZING weight loss plan, I promise all you nursing mothers out there.. .it DID WORK FOR ME. I lost quite a bit a of weight on it. I gained over 60 pounds when I was pregnant with my son... I've lost almost all of that weight. Before I got pregnant I was working on losing weight... I was not unhealthy by any means and I still looked great it outfits I chose and right now, I'd love to get back to that weight.. but back then, of course I thought I needed to lose more and, knowing how I felt my goal is to get 10 pounds UNDER my pre prego weight. Right now, I feel so ... I'm trying to think of the word.. depressed about my weight comes to mind but I'm not totally depressed... i know I can get it off, but I know it's going to be MUCH harder from here on out. First off because as you get older and after you have a baby it's just more difficult to get the weight off, but also because when you have a husband and a child it just becomes increasingly difficult to "diet"... whether you call it a diet or a lifestyle change it's the same darn thing! The fact is, I told myself while I was pregnant... I'm going to eat whatever I want, whatever I crave because this is the time in my life I can... well, why am I doing it now? I have no excuse... my son is going to be 9 months old in 4 days so I can't say I JUST had a baby anymore. Come on Amanda, let's do this! Let's get this weight off. The fact is I know what it's like to feel good about myself and the fact is, I'm happier with myself and everyone else around me if I feel good in my skin. I know what I need to do to get there... so I NEED TO DO IT!

Now... I'm not setting an unrealistic goal, I don't think. I know I will never be the girl on the left ever again. That was 23 year old crazy party girl when all I had time to do was go to work, go to the gym and party in the evening. Oh how my life has changed now :) And let me tell you, I EXTREMELY happy with my life now, so don't misunderstand me. The only think I'm not happy with, is my body... hey I'm a woman... :)
One thing I remember from my childhood is hearing my mom complain about her weight, expecially when we went shopping... I used to think, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT IF YOU'RE THAT UNHAPPY! And she finally did once we got older and she looks amazing :) I'm telling myself...
If you're not happy with something, CHANGE IT.
So my goal is, I need to lose around 25 more pounds.... I think I could be happy with myself then.

Update on the family:
I'm a stay at home mom which I've wanted since I birthed my beautiful baby boy. Of course I've had thoughts since I have been a mom about going back to work. NOT because I am tired of being a stay at home mom... only because I am so used to having my own money.... I know that is so selfish to say. But I'm so used to be very independent and for the first time in my life I have to rely on someone else.. my husband. He's doing an amazing job taking care of us, but it has been difficult from an independent woman stand point, that's for sure! I have had a couple interviews for jobs.... I mean if I were to get a really good deal, I know that I should work... so we can save more money and set up a better life for Maddox... BUT I dread the day I have to leave my son on the week days again and miss him while I work. Who knows, maybe I can find a happy medium and find a job that allows me to work from home a couple times during the week. SO CONFUSED on that front... On one hand I feel guilty for thinking about going back to work... am I being selfish? Or by NOT going back to work am I being selfish? I don't know...
I was actually sitting out on my deck the other evening just looking at the stars... just getting some air and enjoying one of the ncie evenings we've had.... yea I know, sounds corny, outside looking at the stars ahah. I had just gone outside and Maddox and Justin were snuggling in the bed with each other watching TV. I felt such joy. I felt sooo lucky.. because I rememer the days I thought I would NEVER have this. I remember the nights I cried, praying to god with all the promises of what I'd do if he'd give me what I want.
Now, I have it and I mope about my weight. Seems so small in the whole scheme of things. I know that at least.

All I know for sure in my life right now is, my husband and my son make me the happiest woman in the world... fat or skinny ;)

UPDATE on my scattered life!

2011-10-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone... I know, I know... worst blogger ever alert! I keep promising to get back into this and something just keeps coming up... life.

SO... Since I last wrote you here's what's been going on.

Going to work and missing my son was no fun... I missed Maddox so much. Well, to make matters worse work decided to cut almost everyone's pay. Well, I had to make a decision. At this point, getting a pay cut made it not worth it to work for me and be away from my son. If I have to be away from him... I better be making, number 1, what I deserve and Numer 2, enough to counter balance the time away from my son. SO, I decided it wasn't enough and I decided to leave my job. I gave them my notice and made sure to leave on good terms. Was I nervous? Heck yes! I have NEVER... EVER , not had a job since I was 14 years old. I had never left a job without having another job! I felt I had to go with my gut feeling with this was the right thing to do in my life at this time. JK Pest & Termite, owned by my husband, has been doing so well. The fact is, Justin works 7 days a week, morning to evening and he's doing really well. As long as the finances are done properly, he is making plenty to support us. In a way, with Justin gone so much working, I feel maybe Maddox was being slighted a bit with me being at work during the week all day and Justin being at work... well all the time!

So, I've now been home for a month... I do absolutley love being at home with my baby boy. It's such a joy to know that I can wake up and be with him all day long. I started out helping Justin with the business.. working up new marketing ideas. We'll see how they do!

SO, now after being home, my son is crawling all over the place AND he's pulling himself up on everything reaching distance. Our most recent challenge... sippy cups! OH MAN, he does NOT like sippy cups. I'm told eventually he'll get it, but he just doesn't seem interested... which I'll be honest, makes me not interested in giving it to him! He makes a complete mess, spitting juice and water all over the place on every try. Well... I'll keep trying and keep you updated on that!

You know what else is cool? Seeing that Maddox has learned how to work his toys now! You know, he know's what to do to make this toy make noise... or this toy to lite up! It's so amazing to see this little spongy brain soak everything in! He has also learned to pull all of his toys out of his toy basket... ha... that's fun apparently.

What is a pain? Well.. the crawling behind the couch every minute I don't look at him.. so I have to climb behind the couch... in between that and the railings... oh man.. that's a pain. ha.

Stay at home mom... let's see how I do! :D

Making some changes

2011-08-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to make some changes lately. We need to save money and I've also taken over the Accounting part of JK Pest & Termite business for my husband. We need to be VERY aware of what we are spending.

However, I don't feel like my house can't look nice still! So, I've taken up crafting! I have quite a few friends who take old and make them new! One in particular is Shannon Vaughan Danis! She's wonderful at this!
Well, I just want you all to know... if I can do it... believe me, you can! I've been going crazy because I can't go to all the stores and get the expensive decor I really want. Well, if I can't buy it... why not do my best to make it?!

I'll keep you all up to date... currently I'm working on Maddox's bathroom! This is going to be whale themed bathroom!

While I've begun this process... I want you to know I've already gotten TONS of ideas from PINTEREST.COM! WOW... you thought facebook was addicting? NOPE... Pinterest is SO addicting! I have to thank Natalie Brown for sending me the invite to join! I simply can't get enough of this site!

About Food:

Last night I went to Poste in DC, for restaurant week with some of my girl friends. I had a really great time. This was my first time going to resaurant week and I must say... I can't see myself skipping out on it again! Although it's hard to rip myself away from my little guy... I have to admit, it was nice to just hang out with the girls, let loose and have some good food... and a couple glasses of vino! I actually had a couple bites of BASS.... And.... drumroll please***** I liked it! I wouldn't say love and I'm not sure I would order it, but... I did like it. I actually had the vegetarian dish... not because I'm a vegetarian... however I could never see myself eating... BABY GOAT! ;) The desert... AWESOME! And now to the service... NOT so great. We all talked about how there was about 3 people serving us but our drinks took a while to get served and well there wasn't much of the "How are you doing, do you need anything else"... so we were not impressed with the service.
BATHROOMS?.... As long as you don't mind walking out of the restaurant, into the hotel connected, up the two flights of stairs.... past the to wasted girls tumbling all over the place... and down a couple halls... then sure, they aren't too far... ( Can you sense my sarcasm?)
Well, we'll see what the next restaurant week comes up with. :D

About Maddox:

Maddox now has FOUR teeth total! Three on the top, One on the bottom! Can you believe it? One more day and my son will be 7 MONTHS OLD! Too fast.... too fast, that's all I can say!
So, he is sitting up like a big boy! All by himself! He's grabbing toys, grabbing everything in front of him! He's aware of everything going on around him and is SO inquisitive! He has this sponge soaking look on his face all the time! He's just taking it ALL in. Now... he's working on the crawling... he gets around... somehow scooching or turning, who knows... such small movements we have no idea how he gets from one end of the room to the other.. it's like he only does it when we're not looking! Ha.

Well, he got up on his hands and knees and did the rocking thing one day... and now won't do it again. Justin found the rocking hilarious as he says... Why is he humping the ground??? "Awe, that's my boy!" Justin says... Oh man. Although... I must admit, it does strangely look like he's quickly humping the floor and I can't help but burst out laughing like a child myself. haha.

Maddox... focusing... "How do I do this..."

"Dude... mom! Stop taking pics!"

BLOGGING:

SO... My next stop on the blog is to take pictures! I know, blogs are SO much better with some pictures to go with them! So from now on, i'll add pics to my blogs. :D EXP with my new crafts I'll be working on.

2011-08-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this post not sure what it's going to end up as...

Sorry it's been a MONTH since the last post... Being a mommy, a full time working mommy and a wifey is a lot of work and keeps me pretty busy! On top of that work has been getting increasingly more busy every day... ugh. Is this a good thing?... Yes, because when I'm busy it makes my day go by so much faster... is it a bad thing? Yes, because the more busy I am the more stressed I get.. of course. While I do my best to not sweat the small stuff... sometimes the small stuff does make me sweat. I do my best to say... I can only control what I do... not what others do... but sometimes I ignore myself. ha.

Over the past month we've been on a couple vacations, we've figured out that Maddox absolutely loves the beach and the pool... water baby is what we have! I LOVE it! He is such a goooood baby! Justin and I go so lucky with our guy! He naps on the beach in the shade and then plays in the water or even just sits and plays in his pool on the beach! I can't tell you how much I love hearing what a good baby he is from people! It makes me so proud of my little guy! I mean I think he is a GREAT baby, so good... but you never know if you just think that because YOUR the mommy.... so when others confirm it's true... it makes you feel good!

Let's hope that Mister Maddox keeps his calm demeanor throughout his life. I do love his laid back personality but he also knows how to let out chuckles and laughs that just brighten my day!

If I could have any wish at all in the world... it would be to be a stay at home mommy and stay with my love bug.

Well, I also noticed I never shared pictures of Maddox's room! SO, My next blog I'll share the pictures of Maddox's room :D

PS... What do ya know... this one ended up being about Maddox mainly.. ha, so this is my life :D

Till next time, happy blogging!

Teething for my Gerber baby ... Oh Joy!

2011-06-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Maddox cut his first tooth!! It happened June 24th! A couple days prior to that, he randomly started getting very fussy! He was even up off and on all night, crying... and this was not a "whine" cry, this was "Something HURTS mommy!" cry... I felt awful for him! I tried tylenol, that only made it worse cause it made him more tired and cranky... he was literally crying in his sleep. We finally got him to sleep for the night by around 3 AM... then he got back up at 6AM. The following day his gum had a white dot... i thought.. could it be? And I convinced myself... No, it's too early for a tooth!
Next day, I look in Maddox's mouth... there it is! a tooth popped right out!!!!!! I can't believe my baby boy is growing up!!!!!!!!!! I teared and felt like everything is going too fast... everything seems to be happening one right after another!

*** Let me tell you... I'm not real used to Maddox crying a lot.. we got so lucky with such a good baby! With Justin working 7 days a week, sometimes it can be hard, I feel horrible for my baby boy cause there is nothing I can do, besides slapping on tons of Orajel and giving him Tylenol occasionally. WHICH, I'm not a fan of giving him Tylenol... sometimes it makes him pass out so hard, it freaks me out! But while he has a second tooth he's cutting now, he's happier if I give him Tylenol and Orajel right before he goes to bed... still wakes up a little but not as much as off the Tylenol.... I wish I could teeth for my boo boo... I hate hearing his pain cry!!!! But I think he's being a trooper because most of the time, it's only night time he gets upset.***

The next day, he was at his Mimi's house (Justins moms) and she called me... said she walked out of the room, came back in and Maddox was all the way across the room. She thought, "How did you get there?" She moved him back on his mat... then noticed he scoots on his back, pushing with his strong legs!
I couldn't believe it! He's figuring out ways to get around already! Next couple days I put him on his back and he's scooting like crazy!!!!! WOW, How time flies!

I took this pic when I found his tooth.. it was too hard to get a pic of the actual tooth.. but i will, eventually!

NOW, On to GERBER BABY! My lil chunky monkey has been entered into the Gerber Baby generation contest. He could win a $50,000.00 Scholorship!!!!! I'm so hoping... there is 129,000 babies entered so far... today is the last day for entries... We'll see if he has a chance :D
Considering, to me, he's the cutest baby on this PLANET!!!!!!!

I love my baby boo!

Below is a copy of the entry!

AND, The pic I used:

Working out.. feeling good... let's try running!

2011-06-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

I've been working out every day at lunch time... I'm feeling good! I've been doing weight watchers for a while now and it's been working great as well. I just felt like my weight was stuck and I stopped losing it so quickly so I needed to add working out.
Of course I'm losing weight again... YAY! BUT... I feel like I'm not losing it fast enough... SO, I had decided I wanted to start running.. on top of working out at the gym 5 days during the week, I will add in running, 3 times a week.

I was actually telling my friend Hila that I was beginning to run... she is a big runner, so I thought I'd ask if she had any tips for me. She has got me thinking about training for a 3K... I'm not sure I can do it yet... we'll see how my foot holds out running 3 times a week.

Last night was my first time running outside... I made it 12 MINUTES... Haha... wow, running is HARD. I used to run with my dad.. in my skinny days and more in shape days... I don't remember it being so... awkward? Guess I need to get used to it and guess as I lose this extra flabby skin still hanging around from Maddox's birth, I'll feel better about running as well.

Of course, i need to work on my self esteem a bit... As I was running, every single person I see all I can think is, they look at me and say, "ha, look at that flab bouncing up and down... she's not going to last long". I know, it's pathetic... why should I care what they think? I'm doing this so I get rid of the flab!!!!! I'm doing this so I feel better, not so other people can feel better! So while working out and working on my figure, I'll be working on my self esteem and worrying about me and not what other people think.
I should be proud of this flab! This is from the miracle baby my husband and I created, I should wear it with pride................ but not for too much longer ;)

Something I've heard... 10 Months to put on the weight, 10 months to take it off... let's see if I can take it off in... 7 months!

Full time working mommy with a part time job to add?

2011-06-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

Tired mommy... is an understatement!

This is how my days have gone lately... Wake up, 6:00AM to my wonderful little guy, Maddox. Happy boy, playing, feed him, change his diaper and play some more! Get him ready to go to Mimi's house for the day. Give him lovies, then rush to get myself ready, out the door by 8:15AM to go to work. Lunch time comes, go to the gym... then back to work :/
I get home, to play with my little love bug some more. I cook dinner, feed Maddox dinner, eat dinner (Justin and I take turns with who eats dinner first)... Then, play with Maddox while Justin enters all his work for the day into the computer...
*Side note: My husband owns a pest control business, this is his 4th year and going strong! *
Then, I give Maddox a bath, give him his night time feeding, then off to bed he goes around 8:30 / 9:00PM.
Afterwards, I get onto the computer and continue learning Quickbooks and all about Accounting. Yes, I'm teaching myself right now. Justins business has been getting so busy, it's time to do the accounting correctly.. time to figure out how to budget each month and save so he can hire someone SOON... he works 7 days a week currently and that's NO fun for me and Maddox to go to all the weekend cookouts and parties all by ourselves.
I mean don't get me wrong.... I love having Mr. Maddox all to myself ;) but he loves his daddy too and wants to see him more during the weekend!

So last night I spent a very late night working on JK Pest ... only to wake up EARLY with Maddox, 5AM this morning ... I fed him and prayed he'd go back to sleep... NOPE.. He's wide-eyed and ready to play!!!! Oh how can I be grumpy when such a beautiful angel is looking at me, cooing and smiling, begging me to play!? He instantly puts me in a great mood... although, as soon as I'm out of the door, on my way to my full time job... extremely tired... I'm put into a not so good mood anymore. Until I get home later and see my boo's face once more :)

We've decided to finally hire a financial planner to help us get everything together! I met with one yesterday and he seems sincere. I hope this works out! He's offered to clean the accounting up then show me how to maintain it. So I'm very excited to get started!

We have goals... we just need a PATH to get to the goals we've set. So the financial planner will hopefully be the guide for this!

Wish us luck and... if you or anyone you know needs pest control... Give us a call!

JK PEST & TERMITE
www.Jkpest.com
703-622-2450
jkpest@live.com

CONGRATS NATALIE BROWN.... SOON TO BE GOODMAN!

2011-06-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

First off, shout out to NATALIE BROWN and CHRIS GOODMAN, on their engagement! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited for Miss Natalie :D

What an AMAZING proposal story :D Good Job Chris!

He even thought of having photographers there to catch the whole wonderful moment!

BEAUTIFUL ring!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now... I miss my wedding! Ha.. why does your friends weddings do this to you? I wish I could plan another wedding for myself! I mean... don't get me wrong... I LOVED my wedding but why can't I have another? I keep saying to Justin... we need to have a 5 Yr, renewal of vows... like every 5 years... then we can have a party. Ha... as long as there is open bar.. I'm sure no one will mind!

Do you ever wonder... how many times the guest list will change every 5 years? Let me ask you... would you have all the same people at your wedding now... that you did back when you got married? Our lives change SO often... it's hard to keep all the same people in your life! I think I've done a pretty good job with keeping most people in my life... but there is a few people I would probably not invite now... and a few that I didn't invite that I would now! Our lives are ever changing.

Natalie, if I give you any advice at all... without your request, it's this... Don't put too much thought in your guest list... you never know who will be there in the future... stick to family and friends who have always been there for you. And, if anyone gets upset for not being invited OR if they get upset they can't bring a date... screw them! They aren't a real friend then. Have FUN planning this wonderful day and take the stressful moments with a grain of salt. You only get this day once, so enjoy everything running up to... don't close your eyes for this fast ride... keep them wide open! Take breaths and look around... it's just one more moment in your life and cherish it while you have it!

KING BED!

2011-06-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

We got a new bed!... A KING BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!
We just got the mattress and matress pad today :) We'll get the bed frame (below) in about a week and a half.. which I can't WAIT for because I HATE mattresses being on the floor... SO TACKY!

Well, there's my tid-bit for the day... I'll have more next week... until then, have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Being a mommy ALWAYS comes first!

2011-06-08T13:05:00.001-07:00

I love my baby... I'm pretty much obsessed with him... I can't get enough of his sweet smiles, joyful giggles and even his sour face pouts! He's the light in my life! As I always sing to him... he's my sunshine. I'm pretty sure I'm good at putting Maddox first... the problem is, I'm having trouble putting myself anywhere!
As soon as I get home, all I want to do is play with him, love him, hold him! On the weekends, I spend as much time as I can just playing with him and making him smile or laugh... I find I don't eat as healthy as I should and it's been SO difficult to get to the gym ... the main thing on my mind is being a mommy!
HOWEVER... I do look in the mirror often and say... ew... look away! I can't stand that skin dangling from my belly where it was stretched to the max and ruined my beautiful flat tummy... Then I tell myself... DUH, it was totally worth it! And I go back to my baby.... the problem is.. what am I going to do to get my body back?
I'm tired of people telling me.. "You'll never get your previous body back", well I want to prove them wrong! PLENTY of women get there body back.. it just takes hard work... BUT how do you put in that hard work when in your free time you just want to be with your baby boy?

So I'm currently doing weight watchers diet... which I am loving. I feel fulfilled AND they have a "Nursing Mothers Diet", so I still produce plenty of milk for my guy. Now ... the tricky part, gym... finding the time! Well, I already know, the ONLY time I will go to the gym is when I dont have Maddox, which is during my lunch time during the week. Well, I planned on starting as soon as I got back to work.... that was... a month and a half ago ... oops :)
I just got so used to running errands at lunch time, because that's the only time I don't have Maddox, so it's easier to get things done!

The procrastination is done with... TODAY, I went to the gym at lunch and worked out for an hour... I feel rejuvenated! You know that feeling, like you HAD to have lost some weight cause you feel so good! Really??? You worked out ONCE... so I look in the mirror... sure enough.. still, EW.
Yes, I knew that I wasn't going to be happy with myself right away, but don't you just wish you could, PROMISE to continue to work out and the weight would come off as soon as you decided to do this? Then, if after a week, you didn't work out, you would gain the weight back.

Yea... I know, isn't going to happen!

So until miracles can happen... or we become rich and I can get lipo... I guess I'll stick with weight watchers and the gym.... I need to look decent in at least a one piece by July.. and I need to look damn hott by the end of August! I have tons of weddings to go to after August!

MADDOX LEE KIMMEL is born :D

2011-06-08T11:27:00.001-07:00

Our beautiful son was born on January 20, 2011 @ 6:35 PM. He weighed 7LBS. 2 Oz. and 19.5 Inches of total perfection!

So... I went through over 30+ hours of labor... I got to 8 cm. dilated and Mr. Maddox decided to tilt his head to the side... which forced him to stay right where he was and couldn't come down anymore... so I had to have a C-Section. I was SO upset... I wanted to have a vaginal birth for him so badly, I wanted to experience it. I guess that just wasn't the plan for us. So, after being SO tired from labor... I went into have my C-Section... which I won't even tell you the BAD experience I had.
I've heard C Sections are better then a vaginal birth from some people... but c section SUCKED for me.
My husband was amazing through the whole process though. He was there for me , as I lay on the surgery table simply crying and saying... " Owy, owy, owy, owy" and the anethesiologist saying, " Can you feel it?" While I have no energy to answer or listen other then to say "Owy, owy owy"... I felt like I was 6 years old again and couldn't articulate how it hurt. THEN... All of a sudden I felt a huge pressure, I felt them pull him out... I hear a cry, I'm looking around and Justin says, "Honey, he's over here!" ... I look in the warm light and the nurse is holding him up so I can see him.. I see this messy, pale, screaming baby... with... BLONDE, CURLY HAIR??? All I could say was... "OMG, He is so beautif....." then, the shot of morphine put me out.
Next thing I woke up and my husband was sitting in the chair next to me, holding our baby boy! It was amazing... although I noticed... this baby has BLACK hair! Later, when I saw the pictures, I realized the light was shining so brightly on him, it reflected off of him... which that in turn with all the drugs I was on, i just saw blonde hair. ha.
So, for the first hour, I kept trying to fight the morphine, I still hadn't held my son! I was shaking profusely from all the meds and I kept passing out every 5 minutes, then forcing myself to wake up... I begged to hold him but Justin says..."Honey your whole body is shaking... you can't hold him yet..." So I finally got my body under control and he gave me the baby... probably 2 hours after he was born.
I will never be able to explain the feeling I had... there is truly no words. I loved this boy more then anything that could EVER exist in this world. How could he be SO perfect?
And so began, the wonderful journey of becoming a mother... and I've fallen more and more in love with my son EVERY DAY since then!

Some main pics of family and Maddox :)

Happy Mommy with baby Maddox

I'm so happy to see Justin become a daddy!

My sister, Sabrina... the long wait over. She was so happy, she was BALLING!

Beautiful pics my sister took at the hospital.

Maddox Lee Kimmel

My sister, Justin and Maddox

My friend Michelle Wells took these beautiful pics at the hospital!

Justin, so happy to be a daddy... I love them both so much!

My besty, she was there for the whole time!

Paw-Dad, (Justins dad)
Mimi, (Justins Mom)
Nana, My mommy

R.I.P. Rockie

2011-06-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

Three days before I was scheduled to be induced, Rockie ( our wonderful Lab/ coon hound/ shepard mix) took a turn for the worst. He had been going through a lot of issues for the past 6 months but had been getting better.
Well, all of a sudden we noticed bruises on his belly.. with in a week his whole tummy was like a huge black and blue bruise... it was internal bleeding.

We had done everything we could to make Rockie better but it was now time to make a choice... How could this happen??? Rockie is the best dog in the world, the most loyal, he's been here for me through thick and thin, the one that listened to me when I needed someone to talk to. He gave amazing hugs and he was an AMAZING dog. I just wanted Maddox to know Rockie. I had been praying that Rockie would get through his sickness and be there for Maddox, atleast for the first 5 years... was that too much to ask? Rockie was only 8 years old... I wasn't ready to let him go.

But, we had to, I couldnt watch him suffer and be in pain, he couldnt get up anymore and he was only holding on because I couldnt let him go. We took him to the vet and said our goodbyes. Justin ( my husband ) couldnt stay in the room. My father was there with me and also my friend Brent (which was my ex boyfriend who originally got Rockie with me).
I held Rockie and gave him so much love and pet his ear, the way i always do, i held his paw and I told him it was okay. I promised I'd see him again and I promised Maddox would know about him. I told him how much I loved him. He looked up at me as I kissed his nose, he finally fell asleep. In moments he was gone. And I was heart broken.
I walked out of the room and my husband held me as I cried. We finally got to the car, I didnt want to leave Rockie... My mom pulled up from Va Beach just in time... she got there to be there for me.

Though this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, my mom did make an astonishing discovery for me... she told me, "Amanda, do you realize what Rockie did for you? He waited, he spent all the time he could with you, then he decided it was time because he didn't want to be a burden when you were reaching a time in your life that is the hardest. He chose this time, so that you wouldn't mourn for him but instead be happy with your baby, your family that you hoped so long for. He loves you and he did this for you."
Of course at the time, it angered me, I'd rather have him hear with me... I miss him. I love him. But I do truly believe he knew the right time to go, if there is one... because though I mourned heavily for him for the next couple days, I was quickly distracted by nervousness and excitement for the new life that was going to join our family.

I know Rockie is somewhere running in a field, loving life, with all the toys he can imagine!

It's been a while!

2011-06-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! It has been a while.. I'm so sorry! Of course you understand... I've become a mom and I've been incredibly busy! But I've had quite a few emails and requests to update my blog and get back on it... so here I go!

So let's get caught up a bit!

Pregnancy... what an AMAZING experience... yes, I still love that word, AMAZING. :) It was wonderful, well up until the last 2 months... oh wow, I was huge! And T-I-R-E-D! Back aches and feet aches... tiredness, swolleness.... just plain ugliness! Ha...

I was induced two weeks prior to 40 weeks... I won't bore you with all the details other than to tell you... I was done... and this baby had to get out of me because there was NO MORE ROOM! :D

I put some of my prego pics below :) First pic is a comparison of how big I got!

DON’T READ IF YOU GET SICK EASILY..?

2010-10-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

What people don’t say about pregnancy…

TOP THINGS (SO FAR – 23 WEEKS) THAT ARE MOST UNATTRACTIVE ABOUT BEING PREGNANT…

1.) Your nose, constantly stuffy…causing items # 2 and # 3.
2.) Runny nose, having to run to the bathroom and blow your nose all the time.
3.) SNORING… Unattractive, loud snoring that you can’t deny because it even wakes YOU up.
4.) Laziness… sleeping all the time and not wanting to get up on the weekends to make yourself look decent.
5.) The obvious wEiGhT gAiN.
6.) Protruding belly with belly button stretching to the max, almost inside out… soon to be popped.
7.) Over active saliva glands?! What? Yes, it’s true… you have more saliva when you’re pregnant… I actually was talking to Justin in bed the other day and realized I all of a sudden had drool leaking out of my mouth. What the…?
8.) COLD SORE WHAT? I just got a COLD SORE! First off, I don’t get these. I had one when I was like TEN YEARS OLD. Apparently your hormones can cause these to pop up… ugh.
9.) Heels.. are out… flats a MUST.
10.) For me, I get crazy nose bleeds almost daily.
11.) The practical love affair you have with certain foods… could be unattractive. Haha.
12.) When you laugh too hard, sneeze or cough... possible tinkles… Umm yea, I just said it. ALL pregos know it!
13.) Sudden spout of anger or sadness.
14.) Swolleness has begun now… swollen legs… ankles, feet… oh and A$$.
15.) Leakiness in general.. oh yea, I said it. Boobs leak.. ugh.

MOST ATTRACTIVE THINGS DURING PREGNANCY … SO FAR ( 23 WEEKS)

1.) I have a beautiful baby boy… a human growing inside me :) Something I’ve been wishing forever!
2.) The glow people say you have… is the fact that huge smile I have on my face when this beautiful boy kicks or punches or rolls around inside me :) Or even when I just think about the miracle going on inside me.
3.) Miracles DO happen :D
4.) Your protruding belly. I think it can be so attractive, the pregnant belly :D
5.) The amazing smile that makes YOU smile and glow when your husband (or significant other) see’s or feels your baby for the first time. It’s a look you can’t replace and makes your glow even brighter!

For me, these main things, outweigh any “UNATTRACTIVENESS” I may have right now. I’m happier now with all the unattractiveness and uncomfortable sleeps due to back aches then I’ve ever been. I suggest everyone try it once… I absolutely LOVE it.

Week 22 AND Our son finally says hi to Justin :D

2010-09-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven’t put up any new updates. I’ve been so busy lately… well not soo busy but busy enough I haven’t typed up any of my thoughts or latest’s.

So, this past weekend was a very exciting weekend. Justin got to feel our baby boy for the first time! TWICE! I’ve been feeling the kicks, punches and flips quite a bit for a good 3-4 weeks. But, every time I put Justin’s hand on my belly the little guy gets shy and stays perfectly still! Hmmm… maybe this will work later in my pregnancy when the kicks are so hard they hurt,,,(from what people tell me).
So, this weekend, I swear I spent the whole weekend being lazy and staring at my belly, feeling him and that’s it. I felt as though I just spent the whole weekend with my baby boy. So Sunday afternoon, the little guy was going crazy and I could see my belly bump up from time to time, so I told Justin to lay his hand on my belly.
So we waited, while watching TV, and I felt a few light kicks… I get excited, “Did you feel those?” … Justin says “No…”. So we wait a little longer and BAM! A huge KICK! Justin looks at me in shock with wide eyes and smiles and removes his hand swiftly yelling “What the…!!!!!!! That’s SO WEIRD!”.
Ha ha, so I said “Do you want to try and feel again?” Justin says ”Um, “… SO, I took his hand and placed it on my belly and right away again, BAM! It’s like our little one was finally saying “Hey Dad, I’m in here! See how hard I can kick?!”
WOW. My friend and I were talking and she said she’s heard that some women get jealous when their husbands can finally feel the kicks… but I have to say, I was so ecstatic. It was amazing to finally share this experience! I was so happy I of course teared while laughing through it all. I loved sharing this with Justin. It really is amazing, how can you NOT want to share it? So other people know, or have a glimpse of what you’re feeling! I mean the fact is, I’m still feeling more than he will, he’s in my tummy… there will never be a way to explain that feeling from the inside. But, this is the best I can ask for, for Justin to feel it from the outside and be a part of this as much as possible.

SO, Now if you’re wondering what goes on during WEEK 22 of pregnancy…. This is the other “joys” I’ve been going through..

Following is taken from www.whattoexpect.com :

At 22 weeks pregnant, your uterus is now about an inch above your belly button — growing by leaps and bounds. But your belly's not the only thing that's growing these days. Have you looked down at your feet? Quick, look now — before you get too big to see them. If you're like many expectant women, you'll discover that feet grow too. Good news if you're looking to revamp your entire shoe collection, not so good if you've just indulged in a pricey pair of Manolos. While some foot growth can be attributed to pregnancy swelling (edema), there's another reason that feet increase in size during pregnancy and don't shrink back after. Remember relaxin — that pregnancy hormone that loosens the ligaments and joints around your pelvis so your baby can fit through? Well, relaxin doesn't discriminate between the ligaments you'd want loosened up (like those pelvic ones) and those you'd rather they'd just leave alone (like those on your feet). The result: When the ligaments in the feet are loosened, the bones under them tend to spread slightly, resulting, for many women, in a half or whole shoe-size increase. And tootsies that feel suddenly uncomfortably tight.

What’s the baby going through?

Guess what? At 22 weeks pregnant, your baby has finally broken the one-pound mark. How heavy is that? Hold a one-pound box of sugar in your hand the next time you're in the grocery story (and expect people to ask you why you're grinning from ear to ear). Is the box eight inches long? That's about the length your baby is too! This week, your sweetie is making more sense of the world as he or she develops the sense of touch. In fact, your little one's grip is quite developed by now — and since there's nothing else to grab in utero, he or she may sometimes hold on tight to that umbilical cord (don't worry — it's tough enough to handle it). The sense of sight is also getting more developed. Your fetus can now perceive light and dark much better than before (even with those fused eyelids). But remember — unless you're shining a flashlight over your belly (which you can do, by the way), it'll be mostly dark for your baby inside that cozy womb of yours.
Moving up from the eyes, the eyelashes and eyebrows are well formed now — and even more hair is sprouting atop that cute little head. You'd be quite surprised, though, if you could see your little one up close and in color. Hair at this stage of fetal development has no pigment, so it's bright white.

I have more to tell you about but I’ll leave this post how it is. Let me know if you have any questions! I’m going to post more later today or tomorrow about other things going on in our lives… such as .. possible HOME BUYING??? ;)

It's a BOY! Time to REGISTER!!!

2010-09-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

Justin, me and my mother in law Barb walked into the waiting room… anticipating a 1 hour wait… as usual. To mine and Justins surprise, we waited 10 minutes and were called back! So I go into the room, change into my beautiful, fashionable gown and make my way to the second waiting area. I was sure, this is where my long wait is going to be, simply because this is a room I wait by myself and I have no one to chat with and pass the time. Then, I hear them taking my husband and mother in law back to the room and they then come to get me… that was about a 10 minute wait as well! Wow.. record timing.. 20 minutes and we’re in the U/S room laying on the bed awaiting the technician! My husband calls this, the third waiting room, ha. The tech came in almost right away. She was so fast… maybe a little too fast for my liking. She was measuring the lungs, heart all the organs, the hands, the feet, the legs, arms, shoulders… she kept pointing things out, I did see a few things but again, she was so fast it didn’t give us enough time on each part to actually make out the black and white fuzziness of the U/S. As I lay there patiently awaiting one of those words.. IT’S A GIRL or IT’S A BOY! It was almost the end of the U/S and I’m as tense as can be because I’m so excited to find out… not to mention I’m squinting incredibly hard at the screen to see if I can make out a boy or girl defining moment. This little guy was moving around like CRAZY! He didn’t really stay still the whole time!
Although he did have his legs crossed for the first portion and the technician would intermittently try to wiggle my belly and push in where his legs were to try and get him to open… in my head I’m screaming “OPEN THOSE LEGS LITTLE ONE!”

So by the end of the U/S, Barb says, “Are those the legs?” The technician said, yep! I knew instantly Barb saw something I had missed… The tech says, well, are you ready to hear my guess? I’m thinking.. UMM PAST READY LADY! TELL ME!...but I patiently say with a huge smile on my face, “Yes!”… Tech: “I’m definatley thinking a boy”.
Me: “ Wait… what?” *teary eyes, BIG smile* “OMG, I’m SO surprised, We SO thought it was a girl!

Justin: “Oh shit.”

Barb: *Laughing*

Justin: “He is going to be so hyper!”

Me: “ I don’t deserve Justins payback!” haha.

We are so excited.. Justin was shocked for a couple days… a little scared our baby boy will be a hellion, just like he was. But I think it will be fine. I’m so excited!

NEXT… REGISTERING!

We got to register Saturday, 9/4/10. 5 HOURS LATER… UGH, I was half dead and my muscles in my lower belly hurt SO bad. It was definitely a lot for one day! But, it was a lot of fun and I think we picked everything we needed. I’ve had to go in a couple times and add a couple items, take a couple off, but no biggy J We registered first at Target… registered for all that we could find at Target first, then we went to Babies R Us and registered for the rest!
Justin had fun choosing the car seat and stroller…. Testing them out around the store. Of course he picked the most expensive one, it was the lightest and easiest to maneuver… I liked it as well so I let him pick the stroller and car seat J
Justin was more into the electronics and fun stuff like that. He’s now dying to get the new COLOR TV baby monitor… it’s wireless and you can take the monitor in your hands anywhere around the house and see our little one sleeping! I decided not to register for this… Justin can purchase this one for the baby himself!
Then on to the diaper bags… what a hard choice! You want something a that you wont mind carrying all the time as well as something not too big and bulky but not too small… I tried to get Justin to pick one out but he’s decided he’ll be getting his diaper bag from Quicksilver. Ha.
We picked a more expensive nursery set, but we LOVE it. We believe this set will last a long time, exp since it converts into a toddler, twin and full bed! Perfect!
We both agreed on the bedding, oh I can’t wait to start on the nursery!

Now… the thing we’re not agreeing on at all… THE NAME! We had a girl name all picked out and were so happy with it.. Boy names.. IMPOSSIBLE! He comes up with names, I don’t like, I come up with AWESOME names (in my opinion ) and he doesn’t like them! Naming your child is like the biggest responsibility ever… EXP a BOY! You want to make sure it’s a strong name, not wimpy, not anything he can be made fun of.. so many things go into naming you baby! We want to pick the PERFECT name… Oh, it will come to us… hopefully soon.

So there’s my latest updates! Oh, and this lil’ man is moving around and kicking like crazy now a days! Justin still can’t feel him from the outside and you can’t see it… but I feel it all the time! I love it!

P.S... Everyone has an opinion... about EVERYTHING. Great. Yes, that is so much fun... really. ;)

ANYONE HAVE GUESSES?! AAH I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT!

2010-09-01T08:30:00.001-07:00

Feeling the buggy boo :)... Feelin' the weight gain :(

2010-08-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

I've started to feel our little buggy boo! It's just an awesome feeling. At first a couple weeks ago I was feeling very breif "flips" or "flutters", which only lasted a second... for this week, it's lasted for a good half a minute each time and they are through out the day. :)
I'm trying not to be so over dramatic, but it's like this life changing experience, every time I feel her. It's an addiction now... I find myself waiting for the next movement.

Yes, I said her... I don't know for sure yet what our little baby will be just yet... but I of course have my suspicions.

We'll find out the sex SOON... it's a surprise when we'll find out... BUT, when we decide to let everyone in on the secret... I'll be sure to post it!

Now... for the topic not fun to talk about... WEIGHT GAIN. EEW. I didn't think it would be so difficult to watch that scale go ... higher, higher.... oh and HIGHER every time I go to my doctor appointments.. but truthfully it's almost gut wrenching! Of course you know, you have to gain weight when you're pregnant... you brace yourself for it... but it's harder to deal with while it's happening then you might think!

I'm so scared of being that short chubby prego lady, ha. I guess it's time for me to get over that fear and deal with the weight gain at hand. I'm going to gain weight, I'm not going to be one of those lucky ladies who is tiny and simply has a basketball tummy... which is okay. I'm getting what I've been wishing for, for so long... I'm getting for free what I originally paid tons of money just to find out invitro didn't work! Who cares if a little weight gain comes with the wish? Don't nit pick when you're lucky to get what you want! ;)

PS. No promises I won't complain just a tad more about the weight gain later ;) ... besides isn't that my right as a pregnant lady? hehe.

Who made you the king?

2010-08-25T11:07:00.001-07:00

Some days, I get so tired of... OPINIONS. I mean at some point , I just want to say ... WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK?! Let me live my life, you live yours and we'll all be okay!

That's why I'm in love with the song by Sara Bareilles, King of Anything... it says everything I'd like to say. Basically, we're all entitled to our own opinion... which is fine... what makes it overwhelming is when you think we should TAKE your opinion and you get angry when we don't!

A few of my FAV versus from the song:

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine

I hate to break it to you babe,
but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown.

You can hear the song at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPk4_XfYhjg

Thanks to my friend Shannon Danis for telling me about this song!!! GREAT FIND ;)

HAPPY 9th ANNIVERSARY ON 8/21/10 Besty!

2010-08-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to me and my besty. For 9 years we've been best friends... AKA TFF's. We have been through SO much together! From cheerleader vs. trouble-maker to party buds to best friends. Crying in Taco Bell bathrooms, tongue ring piercings, CROOKED ear piercings, Uhaul parties, Yeager parties, jello shooter parties, TOGA Parties... lol..., TOK VS. FTK, Seats being removed from cars by parents, embarrasments, tears, boys, girls, parents, sisters... also many things I can't even put up on this blog :D ... all of it. And we've come out closer than ever. Through our years being friends we've had our ups and downs as any meaningful relationship does. We've come out of it, I believe better people and we've learned so much from each other. For us, we've learned to not judge each other, no matter what. We don't always agree and are opposites on quite a few things... but I think thats what makes us special and so close... we can show each other the "other side" of a situation and we're not afraid to tell each other the truth... BUT we also know when just being there and listening goes further than an opinion or telling each other we did the wrong thing. It's an even balance I think it takes years to learn... and there's still plenty more to learn!

Ashley Nicole Vaughan, I love you besty. I'm so happy we've stuck with each other through it all. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I miss you! XOXO

Below, my gift to Ashley! ;)

Test Results are IN! ( Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 & Trisomy 18)

2010-08-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Test results are in! We have a 1 in 10,000 chance our child will have any of the three illnesses mentioned above. This is the LOWEST risk you can have. This is just WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!! I was sooo extatic to hear about his news on Friday, 7/30/10.... EXP considering I had a HORRIBLE day at work. I really needed some good news.

I have been very busy moving and with work so I haven't been able to update much.. but we've just moved into our temporary home... month to month until we HOPEFULLy buy a house soon.

SOOO... Eating healthy while you're packing, moving, unpacking, pregnant and have a husband who hasn't gained a pound for 14 years.. since before highschool... almost IMPOSSIBLE!!!

First off, it doesn't help that the sweets just taste SO much better... me and food have this whole new relationship that I can't break off! Breakfast food... yummmmy.

It's like all the will power that I used to have has gotten up and flown right out the window... not only that... but right out of this world! Is it easier to say... "I can eat this, I'm pregnant.." Yes, of course it is! Do I feel horrible after I eat it? Sad thing is... no, I don't at all!!!! I've gone through spurts of feeling bad a few times... but it generally takes a couple days.
I have found myself even dreaming of the sweet, sugary, cheezy, cheese danish in my sleep along with the amazing donuts and cheesecakes topped with strawberries... it's soooo bad! I'm like this weird person who's mind is all of a sudden consumed with food!

I find myself actually sick and tired of figureing out what to eat! When it's time for breakfast, lunch or dinner... I simply can't make up my mind because there are so many foods going through my brain! It's so tiring figuring out what it's going to be. I'm like this pregnant lady that has become a FOODAHOLIC! SOMEONE STOP ME!

Don't worry, I know I'm probably making this a bit worse than it is :) I certainly wouldn't be pinning THIS picture on me just yet :)

Okay, this is all I have to report for now! XOXO

Belly Pics 13 Weeks & 4 Days

2010-08-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been slacking on the updates! I'm working on catching up now :)

Here's some much requested belly pics when I was 13 weeks & 4 Days preggo.

2010-07-28T13:21:00.001-07:00

I had my appointment yesterday, for Down Syndrome testing and a couple other infancy disability testing you get... it's the First Trimester Screening, which you get between week 10-14.
The appointment went well. Justin didn't go to this appointment, the first one he hasn't been to, the business has been pretty busy this year. Plus I didnt' make a big to do about this appointment since I'm actually having another ultrasound on Thursday.. which is two days apart... so he'll go to that one.

For this appointment, first they take your blood and then you have the ultrasound. First is the Nuchal Translucency testing... which now, it's standard to include the biochemical marker testing as well (blood test). These tests find percentage results for Down Syndrome, risomy 18 and Trisomy 13.

Some main points:
• Serious chromosomal abnormalities are more
commonly associated with pregnancies in women
35 and older, but they can occur at any age.

• The first trimester screen is more accurate in
predicting Down syndrome and Trisomy 18 or 13
than tests later in pregnancy.

• A first trimester screen is only accurate when
performed between 11 to 14 weeks of pregnancy.

• The first trimester screen only evaluates the risk
for Down syndrome and Trisomy 18 or 13.
Screening does not assess the risk for any other
chromosomal disorder, however these conditions
are much less common.

• A normal (negative) first trimester screen significantly
reduces, but does not completely
eliminate, the risk for Down syndrome, Trisomy
18 or 13.

• An abnormal (positive) first trimester screen
increases the chance of finding an abnormality in
your pregnancy. You should consider the option
of diagnostic follow-up testing such as CVS or
amniocentesis.

Now, for MY testing... the fluid behind the babies neck is measured in the ultrasound. The genetic counselor let me know as long as the measurement is below 3.0, this is good.

The technician measures three times and they take the highest measurement. My babies measurement was 2.3. Under 3.0... Phew! Now, you might be wondering.. hmm. that's pretty close to 3.0.. I know I was! Well, the measurement max for the fluid is always 3.0.. whether you're 10 weeks - 14 weeks. I was closer to the 14 week mark when I had the test done, obviously the baby is larger then they are at 10 weeks, therefore the fluid is going to be a bit more as well.

This is why they wait to get the blood results back... they factor in the measurements from the ultrasound, the blood test results as well as your age.. then they are able to give you a percentage odds that your child will have of being born with any of these three illnesses. None are 100% certain.

SO, We should get these odds on Friday.

In the meantime, I was sent home with some pretty cool pictures :) It was again, AMAZING to see the baby... now looking like a baby... slightly alien like (haha) but I saw Him/Her moving around, with his arm moving up and down as if he were scratching his head. I also coughed during the procedure , as the tech asked me to... so we could try and get him to move the way she needed him to.. and he started bouncing around like a little bouncy ball! I never thought that happened when I coughed!! Amazing that's going on... now every movement I make I'm so much more aware that my baby is experiencing the movements in his/her own way too. Wow...

I love this baby more than anything in the world already :) I simply can't wait to meet you baby bug :)

This little booger wasn't cooperating.. not a GREAT profile view... S/He kept looking at the camera and then facing down!

This one is somewhat scary... haha, Shows how S/He was looking at the camera... our belly bug saying "Hi" :)

Maternity Clothes?!

2010-07-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

Maternity clothes... They look SO cute when you're NOT pregnant... I just couldn't wait to wear maternity clothes when I was not preggers... well now that my ass has grown 3 sizes and I can't get any of my pants over my rump... I've been forced to buy my first pair of maternity jeans... of course they are still a little big.. since my tummy isn't that big... but, hey my butt fits comfortably at least :)

I'm only 13 weeks 1 day.. and already in my first pair of maternity pants? I have a feeling I'm larger than the average prego.... : /

First off, the jeans look like BOY jeans. My co-worker comes up to me and says... umm are you wearing boy jeans? I could have smacked him... with my stapler!
And, any of the cuter maternity clothes, are SO expensive and more then you want to pay for something you won't be able to wear very long.

Well, some good news, Forever 21 has just started a new Maternity line! There is only a few things on there right now... hopefully over the next couple months they will add more.. I found some cute shirts that I'll have to purchase next month.
And of course you can always wear jewlery no matter WHAT size you are :)

Answers to my questions...

2010-07-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

My last appointment went well! We got to hear the babies heart beat... it was truly amazing... I find myself using that word a lot these days...AMAZING.

The babies heart rate is 160 again. So.. now for my questions and answers...

* Can I eat peanut butter? ...
A.) Yes, there is no problem eating peanut butter. The only rule is the baby can not have peanut butter for the first 2 years. Until they can communicate they could be having a reaction.

* Is the babies heartrate an idicator on if it's a boy or girl? A.) Not right now... during the early part of pregnancy higher heart rates are normal. Later during the pregnancy this can be an indicator... but it's not 100%.

* I'm going to ask what cord blood donation intales...

A.) I believe the doctor mis understood me, though I didn't realize it at the time.. First off cord blood donating or saving has NO risks to the baby or the mom. My doctor thought I said I wanted to save the cord blood... so she gave me paper work on saving the cord blood.. which after reading it... makes me wonder if we should.
Cord blood is proven to treat/ cure many diseases. This is not a political debate as it's already been proven. There is no argument about this fact. Cord blood is VERY valuable. The only problem, you generally don't know you or your child needs it until later in life.. which is now why people are saving their cord blood.
This costs about $1900.00... Justin and I had the discussion on if we should save it or donate it... What if we need it down the line... what if we don't and we could have donated it to someone who could use it? I'm going to do a bit more research and then we'll decide. Let me know what you think! Opinions are VERY welcome!!!

* How much weight should I have gained by now and how much more?
This depends, there is no certain number she gave me... just use your common sense on what is good to eat and bad... I read taht you should gain 25-30 pounds.. but after talking to many people who have been pregnant and have had children.. the norm seems to be around 40-60 pounds!
Oy Vey... I'm going to do my best to keep it down and keep it healthy!

* Also the big question, to be sure I can have 5 people in the room with me when the baby is delivered! ( Of course as long as nothing goes wrong and we have a normal delivery)

And that's a Yes! I can have as many people as I want in the room :)

Also, some more good news, I have TWO ultrasounds next week. On Tuesday, 7/27/10, I have my Ultrascreen, this is blood tests and ultrasound, to show the odds of us having a child with down syndrome. Also some other testing done.. I'll let you know more about it once I learn...

Then, my doctors office just got an ultrasound machine in the office! I sure do hope this means Justin and I don't have to go to WRA anymore.. the appointments take FOREVER.. we generally end up having to wait a good 2 hours before we're seen. NOT FUN! Exp when they make you hold your bladder full of water!
SO, Since my doctors office just got an ultrasound machine they are having the nurse/techs practice so they are letting me come in on Monday during lunch for a free ultrasound!

Yay! I have had SO many ultrasounds... lucky lucky me! :D They go a loong way in making you feel better that everything is okay!

So, let me know your opinions on the cord blood!

Officially 3 Months Today!

2010-07-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

We are here! We made it to the 3 Month mark! I'm so happy, it's just one hurdle of many we've jumped and with many more ahead to look forward to.
Today, is my monthly appointment, we've seen our baby in ultrasounds and seen the fast flicker of the heartbeat but today... we get to HEAR the heartbeat :)

I'm so excited, I can't wait. It's difficult to focus at work knowing what my day holds for me :D
It's also time for some preliminary questions... so I'm working on making a list of questions... well I have been since last week.

Some questions I'll be asking today:
* Can I eat peanut butter? ...
-I read that you shouldn't eat peanut butter while you're pregnant because it can increase your childs odds of having a peanut allergy... that just doesn't make sense to me... you'd think if you start it on peanut butter, you'd have less of a chance of getting a peanut allergy?? but what do I know? We'll find out at the doc today I guess!

* Is the babies heartrate an idicator on if it's a boy or girl?
- I read that if the babies heart rate is over 140 it can mean GIRL... well at our 9 week 2 day visit... the babies heart rate was 180 BPM!!!! That is FAST!

* I'm going to ask what cord blood donation intales...
- I don't see why I shouldn't donate the cord blood if it doesn't have any risk to my baby or me... we'll see!

* How much weight should I have gained by now and how much more?
- I want to figure out exactly how much I should gain as well as figure out a plan for the next 6 1/2 months, so I know how much I should gain each month... this should hopefully help me not over eat, or over indulge! So far, I've gained 3-4 pounds... I knew I'd gain right away because i was dieting and working out a lot... Once I foudn out, i completeley stopped working out... simply cause I was nervous... but now we're past the 1st trimester... I'm signing up for aquatic exercise and Yoga!

* Also the big question, to be sure I can have 5 people in the room with me when the baby is delivered! ( Of course as long as nothing goes wrong and we have a normal delivery)
- I want my Husband, of course, my mom, my sister, my mother in law and my besty, Ashley. Hopefully they can all make it!... I also have my alternate, Stephanie, if any one of the above can't make it, she'll be stepping in to help out too!

There are more questions... but I won't list every single one!

So wish us luck on our 3 Month appointment today! My mom will be on the phone with us so she can hear the heartbeat too :D

Snap, crackle, POP....

2010-07-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Well.... there's officially a belly bug bump growing! I can no longer button my jeans... Also, I'm pretty sure I'm growing a little baby in my BUTT... Because I can no longer pull half my pants over my butt! I'm wearing dresses more often now and I don't even find THEM comfortable... since I'm at the point that I have a belly... but for someone who doesn't know I'm pregnant, it just looks like i've got a beer belly or a fat gut or something! This is def one of the unattractive phases of pregnancy. I hear this point and the 8th and 9th month are the worst... we'll see :)

Onto other things, We're wanting to buy a house, of course before the baby comes... it's more difficult than one might thing. We're forced to hold off and rent month to month for another 2-3 more months... uugh, I'm ready to have a home i don't have to leave for a good 5 years already! I've done so much moving in my lifetime, the number is simply not appropriate with my age.

Let me think... I moved out when I was 18 yrs old and now I'm 26 yrs old... so in 8 Years I've moved about 12 times... I may be forgetting a couple times too.. eew, that's ridiculous!

This will be around my 13th time moving... I'm like a nomad... but a pathetic one, since all that moving happened only in Virginia!

Well, hopefully by the end of Fall we'll have found a home to buy and be moving in. I'll be good, fat and prego by then so I'm sure I'll be ready!

6/29/10 ... There's a baby in there!

2010-07-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

6/29/10: Time for our 9 Week Ultrasound to confirm the due date!

We measured at 9 Weeks and 2 Days today. This was again, an AMAZING visit! Barb (Justins mom) got to come with us this time and witness the little miracle bug! S/He has little arm and leg buds moving around!! We actually saw his/her arms and legs wiggling around on the ultrasound!! This was so amazing!!!!!! I can't believe that little baby is already moving around in there. His/her heart rate was measured again and this time it's at 180BPM! (That's good :) )

Justin, who isn't the most serious of all people, if you know him... you could tell he was amazed that he could see a baby. I am so excited for me but I am more excited for him to experience this wonderful process and have what I was so afraid of him never getting.

Even after my lovely sister, Sabrina, continuously calling us over and over, begging to be on the phone while we were in the ultrasound room, haha... This was, an amazing day. (PS, The ultrasound tech would NOT let us be on the phone, so my sister had to settle for a call afterwards)

Here's the best picture out of them all:

Justin thinks our little belly bug looks like a teddy bear :) Among the other comments , such as, he has your head amanda... a big one! ha,

Oh how I love our little belly bug :)

6/28/10... Do you believe in Miracles?

2010-07-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

Do You believe in miracles? I don't think I ever had an opinion about them. Sure, they are nice to think about, I guess everyone hopes there is such a thing... But of course know one really knows if there are miracles or simply coincidences that happen randomly to very lucky people. Maybe people who do believe havw experienced miracles whether in their own life or even being connected to someone who has had a miracle happen to them. Maybe the people who docent believe in miracles have had horrible instances in their lives that they couldn't escape and they weren't provided a miracle to get them through it... Or maybe they simply haven't had anything bad enough happen to where they have thought of miracles. Who knows... Ofcourse I found myself thinking of miracles a lot then past year and a half, who wouldn't when told by the doctor when you ask if having a child will be impossible and the doctor responds " miracles can happen". From that moment I thought to myself, "not to me". Yes the first thing you do is feel sorry for yourself... Until you realize after tods of research and infertility message boards that show you... You aren't the only one and thousandsof women... Millions of women go through infertility everyday.... So many women who don't get pregnant, who do get pregnant and miscarry, so many women... Couples who spend thousands of dollars time after time for the hope of getting pregnant, gettirng to full term and finally delivering a healthy baby. There are so many things that can go wrong to the healthiest of women out there with no infertility issues. Pregnancy is hard to achieve and even more difficult to keep.
So as soon as Justin and I found out I was pregnant.... I immidiTley thought..."it's a miracle!"... This was quickly dashed away with threat of how many things that can go wrong. As Justin and I havw now been to five doctor appointments and I only nine weeks along, my doctors have been helpful in easing my mind that all is going ok so far.

After my last third sonogram I'm happy to report that we have a heartbeat! When I saw the heartbeat pop up it was a wave of, love, excited, fear, anxiety, complete happiness and all of these overwhelming feelings. Once I was able to call my sister, mom and mother in law on the phone totell them the good news my excitement and joy was that much more excited.,
To hear their happiness on the other line filled me with so much joy.

Just some thoughts I was having, so I thought I'd share :)

catching up... starting with 6/11

2010-07-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry my blog has been suffering... so much has happened and I haven't been able to update! So, I'll start with 6/11...

6/11/10: We had another ultrasound and this time.. YAY , We saw the little dot that is our baby :) We got to see the heartbeat as well... how amazing is that?!??! This was the coolest thing I've ever seen! For anyone who has seen it, knows what I'm talking about. A-MAZING.

Once we left the doctors office we called my mom, my sister and Justins mom. They were all so extatic! Barb (Kimmel) was in tears which of course put me in tears because we have finally found out that so far, everything is fine.

Our little belly bug has its first heart rate measurement at 150BPM. We are so happy!

Below is a pic of our baby and the Yolk sac!

All the Ultrasounds you could want...

2010-06-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

UPDATE:
Friday, 6/4/10 We had another ultrasound. This time, we saw the yolk sac! The baby has not been "confirmed" yet since we haven't found a heartbeat. Looks like I was about 4 1/2 weeks last week and now I'm 5 1/2 weeks... my HCG Levels are HIGH... which could mean one of two things, my baby is very strong, healthy... or... could there be two???????????
No, no, not two, haha, it's funny, when they say "Be careful what you wish for!" , Just a month ago I said, "I'd rather have twins, then none at all!"

Well, I would, I'd rather have twins then none at all. I'm sure there is only one though :)

We should find out tomorrow, as now, 6/10/2010 I should be around 6 1/2 weeks along... so hoping we can see the heartbeat at the ultrasound tomorrow!!!!!

I'll keep you updated, we should have a due date tomorrow too!

HCG LEVEL TESTING....

2010-05-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

Today, I have an appointment at the doctor to have more blood drawn, to test my HCG Levels. Since the Ultrasound was not much help, other than showing a dot in my uterus as well as and Endometrioma on my right ovary (great : / ) it simply wasn't "conclusive". So, we'll test my levels today to make sure they are going up and not down... or staying the same.

Wish me luck ... I'm praying everything is okay. We may just be earlier than we thought... I hope.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 5/23/10 we got back from camping. We had a GREAT time camping. It was fun, relaxing, good to be with good friends and very much needed!

On Sunday I was bout 13 days late for my period... now the week before when I was 6 days late, I took a pregnancy test... due to my sister forcing me. I had been exhausted and she said... " You could be pregnant!"... Of course I knew I wasn't and I took the test to shut her up.. and there it was, NEGATIVE. I knew it. :(

So Sunday when we got back I was still late, I decided... " I have one pregnancy test left, I'll just take it just because." I mean how many times have I done that? I've done that several time this year... well this time... BIG PLUS SIGN APPEARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did this really happen?!? I showed Justin and asked him if he saw PLUS sign too?! He said, "Umm, yea.. but can we trust that thing?" Hahaha, So I made a doctors appointment for Monday :)

Monday came, I had my OB appt and they confirmed I'm pregnant :) NEXT, Is the first ultrasound, scheduled for Wednesday to see how far along I am.

WEDNESDAY: 5/26/10

Well I'm too early to find out the due date... rescheduling another ultrasound for next week! Hopefully we can see the heart beat then too. I'm diing to see it!

Just like "they" say... we stopped trying and began thinking other options... and then it happened :)

So far, I feel fine, my boobs are a little sore and I'm exhausted. Work can be a struggle at some points during the day because all I can think about is laying my head on my pillow and going back to sleep! But, I'll get through it :) We're just so happy we finally have this baby and we are praying s/he stays with us! Let's get past the first three months now!

SPRING IS HERE!

2010-05-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

Spring is here :)

I've been working out, eating right and trying to get into shape. I've lost 12 pounds with about 10-14 more pounds to go!

Today is a busy day, both with work and home. Justin and I are going camping this weekend with some good friends :) We can't wait! Although, I may have gone a little out of control at the store yesterday, buying so many things.... I spent about $250.00 for a weekend camping trip. That doesn't even include the tent! ahah. That's okay, I want to be sure we are comfortable and warm!

Can't wait to relax for the weekend, Rockie is REALLY excited too :) I mean, he's getting old and needs some exercise.. he hasn't been camping since last year obviously and he LOVED it. So I can't wait to take him :)

*Pictures taken from Gooneycreek.com

I hope everyone else has a great weekend!

Invitro or Adoption? Both cost A LOT$$$$

2010-05-06T13:38:00.001-07:00

Justin and I talk... Invitro... again? Sometimes, I say, I have to try again, just one more time. Then other times I say I don't know if I can go through that again. There's women out there that go through invitro several times.... They are so strong. I only wish I had that much strength in me. Maybe I do... I don't know yet because we certainly haven't made any final decisions yet.

I feel it getting close to decision time though... We need to decide, are we saving for another round of Invitro but this time, using two embryos? For a possiblity of twins? Oh, that would be amazing... i'm begging for just one... if we got two at once, would it be a lot? Yes, but I'd be thanking God if that happened :)

I've been reading a lot about adoption. Adoption from another country that is... if we're going to adopt we should help a child from another country, there's no point in waiting 5 years for a baby born in the United States. The point is, they are both a lot of money and a lot of time off work. The fact is I think we can only afford to do one... which one?

I guess we could try invitro once more and if it doensn't work, start saving for adoption a few years down the road. People don't generally start having kids until 30's these days... I just didn't want to wait until I'm 30. I'm ready to be a mom. All I think about DAILY is a baby. I think about what are we going to do next... make a decision.

Justin, he has said, "don't worry, we'll get pregnant!" But I don't think he realizes it probably won't happen... I feel more comfortable saying it won't then saying it will. I REALLY thought the invitro was going to work out last time and it is still killing me. I can't believe it will happen again. I don't want to feel that stab in my heart, feel my breath taken away, all my plans, all my hopes, all that love I was putting towards a baby that didn't stay. I talked... no begged to my stomache every day as we waited, for the baby to stay. Of course I think... what did I do wrong? I was to over weight? I had gained weight... was it work? Did I allow my work to stress me out too much? did i let the medicines stress me out too much? Did I let my emotions get the best of my body?

The question is.... can I handle all of these questions all over again? What was I meant for? I want to expierience mine and Justins baby growing in my belly. I imagine it all the time... is that all I will ever get? Imagination? Dreams? If so, that's okay... as long as the outcome is, I will be a Mom. I just wish I knew what we should do. Try again? Or adopt now? Should I waste more feelings/ emotions/ hope on trying again?

I don't know what I want to do... I know what Justin wants... to try again, he wants us to have our own... but what can I handle again? I just don't know yet.

Well, I'm getting an adoption packet in the mail from an adoption agency. I've talked to a woman on the phone a few times, it's comforting to know some questions can be answered, at least about adoption. I guess we'll make a decision when we can figure out just how much adoption will be. We'll figure out what we can do. What we can both live with.

A decision will have to be made... it's just when and what?

My Best Friend is leaving ...

2010-04-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

As the title says... my best friend is gone. She told me she was looking for a job out there, she went out there for interviews... but I just didn't expect for it to happen this fast. While I've been there for her during her hard time she probably didn't even realize how much she's been there more for me. To take my mind off my issues. We talk every day and try to get together as often as possible. She keeps me busy and I talk to her about everything... things I could never tell anyone else.

This weekend was a hard one for me. I went out on Friday night with my husband and some friends. It was meant to be a good night out, and it was, until the end. I ended up getting into a conversation with someone.
He proceeded to tell me how he's gotten girls pregnan, you know drunken talk... at that moment, I thought to myself... I've been thinking this whole time that maybe if I wasn't so responsible I could have gotten pregnant earlier. Even if it was with the wrong person, atleast I'd have my baby. But at that moment, I felt all my what if's go out the window. He's gotten other girls pregnant? I was NEVER pregnant. We had our mistakes... but it never happened. I thought... I was NEVER able to get pregnant. And now, more then ever I believe it will never happen for me.

I'm so much in my head these days. Justin knew I was upset on the way home ofcourse because he saw my tears. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why, I just know he won't understand. He got irritated but there's things he just can't understand on my side.

Now, my best friend who, doesn't really understand either but atleast she can keep my head away from all of this, is leaving me. Not even in a month... she's already gone. She just calls on Sunday and says, I'm not coming back, I found a job and I start Tuesday. It hurt so bad, she was the one person I had here with me. And now I feel like I have no one. Yes, I have my husband and he says, "Don't cry, it's okay hun, you have me, you can talk to me." I know I can, but it's different. I don't know how to explain it.

As they say on Grey's Anatomy... She's my person, and she's leaving. What am I supposed to do now?

Facebook blues...

2010-03-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

Some days, facebook really upsets me. I just get so sad, seeing all these people happily pregnant. Some people, it's so easy for. Of course I'm jealous... I'm happy for them, but I constantly wonder, why can't that be me?

Some days I get more sad than others. Some days I can pretend that we just aren't trying and we're just a newlywed couple living our life....

then there's days like this one, where I feel so sad I am on the verge of tears while at work, thinking, it's never going to be our turn. I'm not going to get to feel the experience of pregnancy, of birth, of giving Justin his one chance at having a "blood relative". His family is amazing to him, he doesn't need "blood", but I guess it's that feeling of wanting to give your husband something no one else has been able to give him? I don't know. Then there's just me, the way I feel about it for myself. I've always known I wanted kid(s) and now what if I can't? Sure, there's adoption... but we'll have to wait MUCH longer than I ever wanted to, and that is also extremely expensive.

I guess I'm stuck right now. I want to try again, (in vitro) but then again I don't... I don't want to be told "it didn't work" again. I don't want it to be "Final".

I guess, I'm just waiting for a miracle... for our lives to just be easy all of a sudden? But I guess that's what everyone is waiting for, in some shape or form.
Nothing is perfect, but I don't want THIS inperfection....

I just want to stop dreaming about it... because I do, all the time, I can't control it. It makes it worse because at night, it's right there and I can feel it. Some times it's so real that when I wake up, I'm just so heart broken that it wasn't real.

So many people are going through infertility in the world... but it's hard to think about them, it's hard to think that I'm NOT the only one.... expecially with all the happy pregnant women around.

Work, work doesn't help. It's just ridiculous right now. Why they won't hire an extra person is beyond me. We are so overwhelmed it jsut doesn't help.

Hopefully some better days are coming, I'm just waiting for them...

Waiting to try again... want to be in the best health.

2010-03-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

Well, we knew right away that we wanted to try again. At first I wanted to try right away. But, right now, I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it.... I'm not ready to hear " It's not good news I'm afraid" again right now. So, I'm working out, eating healthy fully off of caffeine and working hard to make my body as healthy as I can.

So, I've been working out everyday except Sundays.

I don't have much more to write about right now but I'll keep the blog updated.

..

2010-02-09T13:03:00.000-08:00

it didn't work out, we lost it. Not much i can say other than it hurts so bad. We really thought this would work.

WAITING......................... GOING INSANE WAITING...

2010-02-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST WANT TO KNOW ALREADY!!!!!!!!! I want to know I AM pregnant already that is...

Oh wow, worst wait ever.

Day 20 - 1/25/10 EMBRYO TRANSPLANT :D

2010-02-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

So, let me catch you up...

The egg retrieval was a little painful and I had to take the day off of work, but the following day I was fine. I had to wait a day to see if the egg they retrieved could be fertilized....
The egg fertilized!!!!!!!! :D We have a baby embryo :)

We went to the doctor today for the transplant. This was a more simple procedure but I still was given a valume and took the day off of work.

We got a picture of our baby embryo when it was in the petri dish... so cool... even cooler....

We got to watch the sonogram as they put the embryo in, i saw it pop up on the screen.... IT WAS AMAZING! I can not even describe the feeling I got. Absolutley amazing, and there is our baby.... now we just have to wait and see if S/He wants to stick with us....

We even got to take home the pictures of the embryo and it in my uterus...

So now, we wait.... wait to see if our baby sticks.... S/He just has to grab on and stay with us... I'm praying.

:D

Day 15 - January 20, 2010

2010-02-01T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today is the day of the Egg retrieval... I'm really nervous but excited as well...

Last night was the absolute most ridiculous evening ever. lol. Just had to give me my HCG shot.. this basically boosts your ovulation, so you're ready the following day for the egg retrieval.

Basically, Justin (my husband) had to "dart" a needle in my back hip. This process took about... 30 -45 minutes... At first, I was freaking out because first, needles suck.... second, needles that must be "DARTED" into you.. suck, third... an INEXPERIENCED HUSBAND darting a needle into you... is freaking scary! I'm definatley lucky that I only had to take one shot.. witht he Natural Cycle you don't have to give yourself shots daily... well let me knock on wood... hopefully this works so we don't have to do the expensive, MANY SHOTS, much medicine IVF.

So, after I got control of myself .. well and after I called my sister Sabrina and my best friend Ashley.... and she asked me.. do you want to have a baby or not?! then stop being a baby and DO IT! lol. Yes, I do want a baby... I CAN DO THIS!!!!

So I breathed, Justin said he was ready ... AND.... Justin can't do it.
You have to be KIDDING ME! You can't do it?? So after a few more tries, Justin pulls through and darts the needle in... I didn't even feel it. HAHAHA, The worst was pushing the medicine in, it stung and pulling the needle out hurt a little.. then the next couple days my butt was sore, but other than that, it was fine.

I'll let you know how the egg retrieval goes...

IT'S TIME!

2010-01-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

GREAT NEWS! MY FOLLICLES ARE GROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, one on my left ovary is growing! And, it's time to move forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited! Wednesday is suppose to be the day we do the egg retrieval.

I'm waiting for a confirmed call because they still have to look at my blood tests but the Dr said I may be ready for my HCG shot tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAH... So... anyone who reads this blog, please, don't tell ANYONE! This is a secret :)

We'll see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- :D Amanda

2010-01-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm on day 10 again, Dr. D told us today, that if my follicles don't start growing soon, that means I do have an issue... well another issue.

Great.

Deep down, I knew this would happenin fact deep down OF COURSE I'm frightened that we wont get pregnant. I want this more than anything in the world... and you know what I DON'T want to hear...

"Don't think about it so much, I've heard that when people stop trying, they get pregnant!"

Can I address this? First off, Try being in our position and STOP thinking about it.... really? Not happening.... that's simply not something that is controllable until you're told you have no chance of having children. OF COURSE I'm going to continue to try until the doctors tell me it's hopeless.

Here's another,

"Don't worry, everything happens for ar eaons and ifyou can't get pregnant, you can adopt!"

Okay, first off, not the same thing. Sure, of course I can adopt.. MUCH later down the road... because you think In Vitro is expensive?.... try adopting. And, if we were to adopt it would be from another country. I'd rather helpa a baby from another country that might have not been able to be adopted rather than sitting on a 5 year waiting list for a baby in a America. But the other part of that statement that bugs me... D you think saying... " EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" do you think THAT is going to make me feel better? I mean, really? No, that makes me feel worse, because what do you think is at the top of my mind? Well, i must not be able to get pregnant because I shouldn't be a mom.

No, I dont think people are saying that to me, but when you're going through something like this you can't help but to prepare yourself for the worst... so you think the worst of everything... it'sb etter than thinking the best and getting hurt worse in the end... I started this road pretty sure I'd get pregnant... now, Not so sure.

So, back to the Doctors appt today. Dr. D told me, "If this month is anything like last month... that means you've got an iregular cycle. Whether you had this before or not, you may have developed it recently. If that's the case, then we will start you on fertility medicine.

So, possibly fertility drugs next... : / Which means more $$$$... which, okay if it means me having the baby w want so badly, that's fine... it just sucks because I've heard that the meds can of course have side effects such as altering your mood/ emotions.... ha, that's the LAST thing I need right now! Among other side effects.

We'll see.. I just keep hoping and praying... yes I said it, praying... for anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a super religious person. But I can tell you, I do believe in God and I do pray to him. I may not be able to find a church that I feel doesn't push their own beliefs and take of the bible onto me but that doesn't mean I don't have my own beliefs.

I just hope taht God has a plan for me. I pray that the plan includes a baby and I try to have faith.

Till next time... I'll put a smile on my face and keep moving... Onward and Upward?

another round..

2010-01-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!
My resolution for this New Year.... to eat Healthy... everyone's resolution every year! AND, To be Happy, no matter what happens... I plan on being HAPPY :)

So... another round, here we come... I totally skipped my period for the month of December... wow, that has NEVER happened to me. I was convincing myself I was pregnant... till I took about 4 pregnancy tests.... I know what you're thinking.. with all the testing I've had with my Doctors, don't you think they'd KNOW I was pregnant?
Yea, I'm sure they would, but when you're desperate and something that hasn't EVER happened, happens.... you can make yourself believe anything. : /

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get my period... when on Jan 5th in the middle of the night, I was having ANOTHER pregnancy dream. I had a dream that I was pregnant but the cramps from the pregnancy were HORRIBLE... they actually woke me up they were so bad... then I realized... WOW, MY PERIOD IS HERE!!!
Ha, later, when I finally got back to sleep, I then had a dream that Justin and I couldn't have any babies, the IVF didn't work.... so , we STOLE A BABY!

Yea, i'm all about weird dreams lately! Don't worry, if this doesn't work out, I promise we won't steal your baby! lolol

So I figured, I'm sure I was absolutley stressed to the max, of course I was stressed, I'm trying to have a baby! And sooner than we thought we'd have one! And, I may or may not get pregnant... that's a lot to "not think about"...

So now, I'm going about this a little different this month. I'm not going to talk about it, i'll use my blog as my diary and put my feelings on here. I don't plan on talking about any of my Doctors appointments to anyone. I'm just going to see how it goes. I will be sure to let everyone know about it if it works out, or if it doesn't. For now, Justin and I are going to do this together.

I'd like to thank anyone who knows about it for their support in this. We appreciate everything. No matter what, we will be Happy. :)

NOW, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!! HERE'S TO A BETTER 2010 AND HERE'S TO EVERYONE GETTING WHAT THEY WANT THIS YEAR!

XOXOXO

RIP Brittany Murphy

2009-12-21T14:00:00.001-08:00

R.I.P. BRITTANY MURPHY

Well, Brittany Murphy has passed away... so sad :( I really liked her! Such a unique actress and as all the famous people have said, she always had a bright smiling face... I'm sure it had something to do with drugs... with the eractic behavior that was reported recently and the passing out on movie sets...

So sad...

Day...... NEXT..... : /

2009-12-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

Okay… so obviously this month cycle did not work out.. : /

I didn’t ovulate… CAN NOT believe it… My cycles are NEVER late… so NOW, they are worried I MIGHT have an ovulatory disfunction…

This cannot be, seriously.. it’s always something holding us back. I mean I can’t lie, I see everyone on their facebooks with their babies and I do get a little jealous and wonder if I will ever have that. Yea yea, people say we can adopt… but A LOT of money goes into adopting and it takes a long time. Not to mention, we’re no where close to being able to afford adopting right now… exp since the Invitro is eating up any extra money we may have.

Dr.D said that we should try the cycle again in January with OUT fertility treatments… he said this could have been a funky cycle…

I’m hoping it is … I mean I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever been late for my period!
BUT…. The good news is… I’M LATE FOR MY PERIOD! Which means I probably did just have a funky cycle… probably my body is stressed from everything thing… so hopefully I can get my pd on track next month and we can get pregnant!

I joined this message board for Invitro and infertility women and it’s amazing what women have to go through… I mean to think I’m only in the beginning of what COULD BE… So many women suffer from infertility and miscarriages and stillbirths… as my mother in law said… it’s truly a MIRACLE that babies are born in the first place. There are SO many things that can go wrong even IF you DO get pregnant!

I mean all in all, you can ONLY get pregnant ONE day out of the month, the sperm HAS to be strong enough to fertilize the egg then there’s 10 months for something to go wrong!

I will count my lucky stars if we get pregnant and have one baby, I will be thankful for just one… I find myself praying for just one and that’s all I want.
I had a dream a couple nights ago… well I have pregnant dreams ALL the time just because it’s always on my mind… but this dream was SO REAL… Have you ever had those dreams where you wake up and wonder… Did that really happen? And it takes a minute for you to decide that was just a dream?
Well this was one of those. I dreamt I was bout 6 or 7 months pregnant and it was a normal day doing , whatever and when I went to bed, I had to sleep on my side… because I couldn’t sleep on my stomach with my big belly! Well, then I woke up and I was laying on my stomach… ( I ACTUALLY WOKE UP) … I started freaking out because I thought I killed my baby… then I had to think.. wait, that was a dream… I wasn’t pregnant.
It was soooo surreal…. I was freaked out all day, it felt SO real.

So anyhow, I’m going to try and enjoy the Holidays with family and friends and try and keep my mind off the baby thing as much as I can… so I don’t continue to stress myself out….

Yes… easier said than done….

DAY 17 ........

2009-12-03T09:35:00.000-08:00

EXPLANATION OF THE FOLLICLE STAGE OF THE CYLCE:

The follicular stage lasts for about the first 14 or 15 days of the cycle from the first day of the period. During this phase, the release from the ovaries then the maturation of a number of follicles takes place, however only the most mature one of these follicles will produce an egg capable of being fertilised. A follicle is driven to maturity by the secreted hormone FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone).

As the follicles mature, they release the hormone estrogen. This makes the uterus wall thicken and the cervical mucus to alter it's consistency.

The Ovulation: As the FSH levels and estrogen levels rise, the secretion of large amounts of another hormone, LH (Leutenising Hormone) is triggered. This rise in LH provokes the most mature follicle to burst open and release an egg from the ovary into the fallopian tube.

As soon as the egg is freed, it is helped along the tube by tiny horn-like fronds that line the fallopian tube. The egg is now in a fertilisable state in a window of about 24 hours.

(Taken from: http://www.paternityangel.com/Articles_zone/How_it_happens/How-1.htm)

So I had another check up this morning, my follicles aren't maturing. This isn't good. Anything could be going on... My cycle could just randomly be acting up this month... which is odd because my cycle is ALWAYS on time... NEVER late. It's VERY frustrating and I just want to scream.... I knew it was too good to be true, to finally be getting pregnant.

No matter what, now we have to find out why my follicles aren't maturing. As you can see of the explanation above, this is very important to getting pregnant at all.

I'm trying to stay confident but it gets hard when there's always something standing in the way of moving forward. I just have to stay hopeful....

Day 14

2009-11-30T06:30:00.000-08:00

Every other day, early AM dr appointments. I’m getting aggravated and worried because I’m still not ready. My ovaries are not full yet…. Though my right ovary is beginning to get more full, my left… not so much. My Doctor seemed annoyed as well… or maybe questionable…? He doesn’t think I’m as full as I SHOULD be…. Let’s just hope that in the next day or so I will get more full…. Wednesday, another testing to see where I’m at…

Sitting in the waiting room today, I can’t help but to stare at all the women int here… wondering why they are there. I look to see if they are wearing a ring, to see if their husband is with them or if they have no ring at all. I wonder what brings them here and what each one of their stories are. It’s hard not to wonder. On last Friday’s visit my mom came with me, we saw a lady with twins come in… I couldn’t help but to think… is she selfish to want more kids? Why is she paying more money for more? She already has two… Maybe even more that just didn’t come with her. I know that’s a ridiculous thought. And I don’t REALLY think it… everyone has the right to have as many kids as they can want/ handle/ afford. I know sometimes I get a little bitter but it’s only natural … right? I mean I shouldn’t be jealous of her… she obviously did In vitro to have the twins.
I guess I’m just ready for it so much so, that I feel like it’s not going to happen. It’s always something holding it off… and though the doctor has told me time and time again, be patient this is a long process… it’s hard not to get doubts when SOMETHING holds you back all the time.

So, my goal for this week… BE PATIENT… Or, as patient as I can stand.

Day 9

2009-11-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

Well my mom is in town for Thanksgiving! She got to go with me to the early AM appointment today to monitor me. My arm is so soar from getting blood drawn every other day.. and, I’m not quite ready yet so I have to go back in on Friday morning…. The day after thanksgiving… when I’m supposed to be going Black Friday Shopping! UUGH, That’s fine though… the beauty of black Friday shopping is it starts at 4AM! I have to be to the doctor between 8AM and 9AM, So I can get some shopping done!

So these every other day dr appts wouldn’t be so bad if I could alternate my arms! My right arm SUCKS! They can never get the vein in it… so I’m stuck getting blood taken from the same arm, same spot every time… so it’s bruised which means it hurts that much more when getting a needle poked in it!

We are still early but I’m HOPING on Friday I’ll be ready to move forward.. it would be VERY ideal for us to have the egg retrieval this weekend… that way I don’t have to take off work! But, we’ll see!

In the mean time, tomorrow is Thanksgiving!!!!! This year, we're having Thanksgiving at our house.
It’s going to be a small one… which is perfect for us this year, Just me, Justin, my mom, Justins mom and dad as well as his brother Paul and his cousin Sean Mike. My mom is at home cooking today and I’ll join her when I get home! This weekend should be pretty relaxing I think. I’m just excited to have a 4 day weekend! AND, I’m even more excited to start decorating for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!! I L-O-V-E CHRISTMAS!
Okay, that’s all I have today! CROSS YOUR FINGERS I GET GOOD NEWS FRIDAY!

Day 7

2009-11-23T07:44:00.000-08:00

Today was more blood work and another ultrasound. Checking me to see if I’m ready for ovulation, ready for the egg retrieval.. Dr. D says it’s still too early : /
So I’ll be going back in on Weds EARLY 7AM again to do the blood work/ ultrasound again… hopefully I’ll be ready to get started!

IK, BLOOD WORK… I hate it by now! My veins used to be so good to get blood from! They use to be easily seen and stick o ut! Now, it seems like it’s always a hunt to find them! Since I had blood drawn just two days ago, my left arm is bruised still… my right arm SUCKS for getting blood… the nurse tried her best to fish around for the vein in the right arm… but couldn’t find it L SO, It had to go in the left arm… the bruised one.. if you’ve ever had a needle stuck in an already bruised arm… it’s not so fun… so now I’m sure I’ll have an even larger bruise. I’m sure it’s going to suck when I get more blood drawn two days from now!

Not to mention the appointment made me late to work again, an hour late. I won’t be taking a lunch to make up for the time but it sucks! EXP since no one knows that I’m doing this stuff, so it looks like I’m strolling into work at 10:15 like it’s no big deal… I hate that!

I’m just tired of going to the doctors! BUT, It’s for a good cause and to make Justin and my dream come true to have our family … so it is worth it!

Wish me luck on my next appointment!!! LET’S HOPE IT’S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD!

Baseline Monitoring

2009-11-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Today was my baseline. This is the beginning of the actual procedure.
The baseline assessment is very important to ensure that my body is ready to start IVF treatment. It involves having an ultrasound scan and a blood sample to check my womb, ovaries and hormone levels.
The ultrasound scan was performed with a vaginal scan as it gives a better image compared to an abdominal scan. The scan is used to check the lining of the womb and ovaries. It will diagnose abnormalities such as ovarian cysts, endometrium polyps, etc.
Dr. D also took the time to show me where my eggs were and explained that we have PLENTY of eggs to work with and that my ovaries looked GREAT! He told me if he even gave me fertility drugs I’d probably turn into an Easter egg! Which, the eggs were never the problem… the reason for the in vitro is my problem with getting the egg through the fallopian tube TO the uterus where it can be fertilized. Due to all the endometriomas and the surgeries my fallopian tubes basically don’t move anymore. Your fallopian tubes basically act like a vacuum, they suck out your eggs and then like a tube of a vacuum they move or float up and down to release the egg from the fallopian tube into the uterus….

A blood sample is usually taken to measure hormone levels such as estrogen, LH, FSH and AMH to assess ovarian reserve. The levels of these hormones may give an idea about the expected response to ovulation stimulation drugs. For instance, high levels of FSH may indicate poor response to ovarian stimulation, poor pregnancy rates and high rates of pregnancy loss regardless of age when compared with women who have normal results.
So we’ve paid the large amount of $$$ today and we are on our way to making our family :)

*** I AM NOT A DOCTOR.. I’M EXPLAINING THIS THROUGH MY OWN WORDS AS I UNDERSTAND IT… SO DON’T TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE FROM ME PLEASE*** LOL

The follicles are egg-containing areas inside the ovary. There are hundreds of thousands of follicles in each ovary, but during any one stimulation cycle only a few will accumulate fluid and grow large enough to appear on an ultrasound exam. Only the large follicles hold mature eggs.
The eggs are about a tenth of a millimeter in diameter, just under a size that is visible to the naked eye, so the actual egg cannot be seen on ultrasound. The follicle is about two hundred times bigger than the egg, and can be seen clearly when it is large enough. Each follicle usually contains one egg surrounded by granulosa cells. Granulosa cells surround the egg, produce the follicular fluid, produce estrogen, and support the egg in its development. In the normal menstrual cycle, only one follicle matures, reaching about an inch in diameter. Occasionally a follicle may not contain an egg, and even more rarely there may be two or more eggs per follicle.

Still waiting for the big day....

2009-11-06T09:57:00.001-08:00

Well, of course we are nervous, scared. As I talk to my sister, Sabrina and my best friend Ashley, I'm telling them... I think there is a HUGE difference in planning and trying to get pregnant and then KNOWING the actual day you will be getting pregnant.
On one hand... you try and try and move on with your regular life until bam, you are surprised (even if you're planning, its still a surprise to know you GOT pregnant), so any way, you try and try until you are pregnant... then you are just pregnant, no turning back and you are happy of course but you HAVE to deal with it because you're already pregnant.

Then, there's knowing the DAY that you will be getting pregnant... knowing that day is coming, knowing the exact day that your life will no longer be about you anymore.
We've been SO sure we want a baby and a couple weeks away, I'm scared... I will admit it. I'm freaking a little! So many months of... "No, sorry we can't do it this month, we need to test this" and another month going by and another month until finally it's here and it's becoming VERY REAL!

Have I thought about us not getting pregnant... have I thought about if this invitro DOES NOT work? I have said it out loud, "This may not work, we may not get pregnant"... but honestly, no, I can't imagine it won't work. In my mind, in two and a half weeks I will be pregnant and by this time next year... we will have our own baby. I can't imagine it won't work, which may be a bad thing but I can't even think of it not working. And this, this is what truly makes me feel better about getting pregnant sooner than we both originally planned. This is how I know I want it... because I couldn't imagine not going through with this.
And Justin, I love him for being here for me, I love him for doing this with me... he's been to every single doctors appt and test that I've had to do! He's been in the room when the doctor is doin the most uncomfortable things... he's been there for me, making jokes, cheering me up... holding my hand..... and you know what, he's not even scared... he's with me when I say, WE WILL BE PREGNANT IN TWO AND A HALF WEEKS!
I love you Justin Lee Kimmel!
:)

Getting Married and then.. waiting....

2009-11-05T17:07:00.001-08:00

After 4 months of trying we decided to go to the fertility specialist a couple months earlier just so we could set ourselves up and find out what we were in for. Once Dr. Dimatinna looked at the pictures from my surgery, he was honest and said... you should have come in right away. We were scared and of course I was PISSED that my doctor told us to wait 6 months. So.... here is where our journey with Invitro began. After 5 months of going to and from the doctor, testing this, testing that we have finally gotten the go ahead to move forward with invitro! Meanwhile, we had moved our wedding up to October 17th, 2009. We decided that since we would be getting pregnang soon we should make sure we have as little stress as possible. Now, we're just waiting for the end of November to come. In the mean time... lots of thinking time!

Planning

2009-11-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

Justin and I got engaged in the begginning of March 2009. Shortly after we got engaged I had to have a surgery for Endometriosis. This was the second surgery for Endometriosis. I was lucky to not have one of my ovaries and half of the other taken out in my first surgery but the Endometriosis was surgically removed and with the second surgery I was very scared I wouldn't get so lucky. With Justin by my side I went through with the second surgery.

After the surgery I found out that the Endometriosis was pretty bad but the doctor was able to remove most of it without taking any reporductive organs. Good news! Now the not so great news... if we want to have children we should try with the next 6 months because that's the best time to get pregnant after the surgery.

So, Justin and I discussed it and I was so lucky to have a man want to be with me and be okay with having a child much sooner than either one of us had anticipated. So with a goodbye to the surgeon and a not so exciting answer back "Miracles can happen"... we began to try.

SOME INFORMATION ON ENDOMETRIOSIS COPIED FROM: http://www.endometriosisassn.org/endo.html

Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease that affects 5 1/2 million women and girls in the USA and Canada, and millions more worldwide. It occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus -- usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.
This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation -- and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems.
What are the Symptoms of Endometriosis?
Pain before and during periods
Pain with sex
Infertility
Fatigue
Painful urination during periods
Painful bowel movements during periods
Other Gastrointestinal upsets such as diarrhea, constipation, nausea.
In addition, many women with endometriosis suffer from:
Allergies
Chemical sensitivities
Frequent yeast infections
Diagnosis is considered uncertain until proven by laparoscopy, a minor surgical procedure done under anesthesia. A laparoscopy usually shows the location, size, and extent of the growths. This helps the doctor and patient make better treatment choices.
What Causes Endometriosis?
The cause of endometriosis is unknown. The retrograde menstruation theory (transtubal migration theory) suggests that during menstruation some of the menstrual tissue backs up through the fallopian tubes, implants in the abdomen, and grows. Some experts believe that all women experience some menstrual tissue backup and that an immune system problem or a hormonal problem allows this tissue to grow in the women who develop endometriosis.
Another theory suggests that endometrial tissue is distributed from the uterus to other parts of the body through the lymph system or through the blood system. A genetic theory suggests that it may be carried in the genes in certain families or that some families may have predisposing factors to endometriosis.
Surgical transplantation has also been cited in many cases where endometriosis is found in abdominal scars, although it has also been found in such scars when accidental implantation seems unlikely.
Another theory suggests that remnants of tissue from when the woman was an embryo may later develop into endometriosis, or that some adult tissues retain the ability they had in the embryo stage to transform reproductive tissue in certain circumstances.
Research by the Endometriosis Association revealed a startling link between dioxin (TCCD) exposure and the development of endometriosis. Dioxin is a toxic chemical byproduct of pesticide manufacturing, bleached pulp and paper products, and medical and municipal waste incineration. The EA discovered a colony of rhesus monkeys that had developed endometriosis after exposure to dioxin. 79% of the monkeys exposed to dioxin developed endometriosis, and, in addition, the more dioxin exposure, the more severe the endo.