Day 14

Every other day, early AM dr appointments. I’m getting aggravated and worried because I’m still not ready. My ovaries are not full yet…. Though my right ovary is beginning to get more full, my left… not so much. My Doctor seemed annoyed as well… or maybe questionable…? He doesn’t think I’m as full as I SHOULD be…. Let’s just hope that in the next day or so I will get more full…. Wednesday, another testing to see where I’m at…

Sitting in the waiting room today, I can’t help but to stare at all the women int here… wondering why they are there. I look to see if they are wearing a ring, to see if their husband is with them or if they have no ring at all. I wonder what brings them here and what each one of their stories are. It’s hard not to wonder. On last Friday’s visit my mom came with me, we saw a lady with twins come in… I couldn’t help but to think… is she selfish to want more kids? Why is she paying more money for more? She already has two… Maybe even more that just didn’t come with her. I know that’s a ridiculous thought. And I don’t REALLY think it… everyone has the right to have as many kids as they can want/ handle/ afford. I know sometimes I get a little bitter but it’s only natural … right? I mean I shouldn’t be jealous of her… she obviously did In vitro to have the twins.
I guess I’m just ready for it so much so, that I feel like it’s not going to happen. It’s always something holding it off… and though the doctor has told me time and time again, be patient this is a long process… it’s hard not to get doubts when SOMETHING holds you back all the time.

So, my goal for this week… BE PATIENT… Or, as patient as I can stand.