****DON’T READ IF YOU GET SICK EASILY..?****

What people don’t say about pregnancy…

TOP THINGS (SO FAR – 23 WEEKS) THAT ARE MOST UNATTRACTIVE ABOUT BEING PREGNANT…

1.) Your nose, constantly stuffy…causing items # 2 and # 3.
2.) Runny nose, having to run to the bathroom and blow your nose all the time.
3.) SNORING… Unattractive, loud snoring that you can’t deny because it even wakes YOU up.
4.) Laziness… sleeping all the time and not wanting to get up on the weekends to make yourself look decent.
5.) The obvious wEiGhT gAiN.
6.) Protruding belly with belly button stretching to the max, almost inside out… soon to be popped.
7.) Over active saliva glands?! What? Yes, it’s true… you have more saliva when you’re pregnant… I actually was talking to Justin in bed the other day and realized I all of a sudden had drool leaking out of my mouth. What the…?
8.) COLD SORE WHAT? I just got a COLD SORE! First off, I don’t get these. I had one when I was like TEN YEARS OLD. Apparently your hormones can cause these to pop up… ugh.
9.) Heels.. are out… flats a MUST.
10.) For me, I get crazy nose bleeds almost daily.
11.) The practical love affair you have with certain foods… could be unattractive. Haha.
12.) When you laugh too hard, sneeze or cough... possible tinkles… Umm yea, I just said it. ALL pregos know it!
13.) Sudden spout of anger or sadness.
14.) Swolleness has begun now… swollen legs… ankles, feet… oh and A$$.
15.) Leakiness in general.. oh yea, I said it. Boobs leak.. ugh.


MOST ATTRACTIVE THINGS DURING PREGNANCY … SO FAR ( 23 WEEKS)

1.) I have a beautiful baby boy… a human growing inside me :) Something I’ve been wishing forever!
2.) The glow people say you have… is the fact that huge smile I have on my face when this beautiful boy kicks or punches or rolls around inside me :) Or even when I just think about the miracle going on inside me.
3.) Miracles DO happen :D
4.) Your protruding belly. I think it can be so attractive, the pregnant belly :D
5.) The amazing smile that makes YOU smile and glow when your husband (or significant other) see’s or feels your baby for the first time. It’s a look you can’t replace and makes your glow even brighter!


For me, these main things, outweigh any “UNATTRACTIVENESS” I may have right now. I’m happier now with all the unattractiveness and uncomfortable sleeps due to back aches then I’ve ever been. I suggest everyone try it once… I absolutely LOVE it.

Week 22 AND Our son finally says hi to Justin :D

Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven’t put up any new updates. I’ve been so busy lately… well not soo busy but busy enough I haven’t typed up any of my thoughts or latest’s.

So, this past weekend was a very exciting weekend. Justin got to feel our baby boy for the first time! TWICE! I’ve been feeling the kicks, punches and flips quite a bit for a good 3-4 weeks. But, every time I put Justin’s hand on my belly the little guy gets shy and stays perfectly still! Hmmm… maybe this will work later in my pregnancy when the kicks are so hard they hurt,,,(from what people tell me).
So, this weekend, I swear I spent the whole weekend being lazy and staring at my belly, feeling him and that’s it. I felt as though I just spent the whole weekend with my baby boy. So Sunday afternoon, the little guy was going crazy and I could see my belly bump up from time to time, so I told Justin to lay his hand on my belly.
So we waited, while watching TV, and I felt a few light kicks… I get excited, “Did you feel those?” … Justin says “No…”. So we wait a little longer and BAM! A huge KICK! Justin looks at me in shock with wide eyes and smiles and removes his hand swiftly yelling “What the…!!!!!!! That’s SO WEIRD!”.
Ha ha, so I said “Do you want to try and feel again?” Justin says ”Um, “… SO, I took his hand and placed it on my belly and right away again, BAM! It’s like our little one was finally saying “Hey Dad, I’m in here! See how hard I can kick?!”
WOW. My friend and I were talking and she said she’s heard that some women get jealous when their husbands can finally feel the kicks… but I have to say, I was so ecstatic. It was amazing to finally share this experience! I was so happy I of course teared while laughing through it all. I loved sharing this with Justin. It really is amazing, how can you NOT want to share it? So other people know, or have a glimpse of what you’re feeling! I mean the fact is, I’m still feeling more than he will, he’s in my tummy… there will never be a way to explain that feeling from the inside. But, this is the best I can ask for, for Justin to feel it from the outside and be a part of this as much as possible.

SO, Now if you’re wondering what goes on during WEEK 22 of pregnancy…. This is the other “joys” I’ve been going through..

Following is taken from www.whattoexpect.com :

At 22 weeks pregnant, your uterus is now about an inch above your belly button — growing by leaps and bounds. But your belly's not the only thing that's growing these days. Have you looked down at your feet? Quick, look now — before you get too big to see them. If you're like many expectant women, you'll discover that feet grow too. Good news if you're looking to revamp your entire shoe collection, not so good if you've just indulged in a pricey pair of Manolos. While some foot growth can be attributed to pregnancy swelling (edema), there's another reason that feet increase in size during pregnancy and don't shrink back after. Remember relaxin — that pregnancy hormone that loosens the ligaments and joints around your pelvis so your baby can fit through? Well, relaxin doesn't discriminate between the ligaments you'd want loosened up (like those pelvic ones) and those you'd rather they'd just leave alone (like those on your feet). The result: When the ligaments in the feet are loosened, the bones under them tend to spread slightly, resulting, for many women, in a half or whole shoe-size increase. And tootsies that feel suddenly uncomfortably tight.


What’s the baby going through?

Guess what? At 22 weeks pregnant, your baby has finally broken the one-pound mark. How heavy is that? Hold a one-pound box of sugar in your hand the next time you're in the grocery story (and expect people to ask you why you're grinning from ear to ear). Is the box eight inches long? That's about the length your baby is too! This week, your sweetie is making more sense of the world as he or she develops the sense of touch. In fact, your little one's grip is quite developed by now — and since there's nothing else to grab in utero, he or she may sometimes hold on tight to that umbilical cord (don't worry — it's tough enough to handle it). The sense of sight is also getting more developed. Your fetus can now perceive light and dark much better than before (even with those fused eyelids). But remember — unless you're shining a flashlight over your belly (which you can do, by the way), it'll be mostly dark for your baby inside that cozy womb of yours.
Moving up from the eyes, the eyelashes and eyebrows are well formed now — and even more hair is sprouting atop that cute little head. You'd be quite surprised, though, if you could see your little one up close and in color. Hair at this stage of fetal development has no pigment, so it's bright white.


I have more to tell you about but I’ll leave this post how it is. Let me know if you have any questions! I’m going to post more later today or tomorrow about other things going on in our lives… such as .. possible HOME BUYING??? ;)

It's a BOY! Time to REGISTER!!!

Justin, me and my mother in law Barb walked into the waiting room… anticipating a 1 hour wait… as usual. To mine and Justins surprise, we waited 10 minutes and were called back! So I go into the room, change into my beautiful, fashionable gown and make my way to the second waiting area. I was sure, this is where my long wait is going to be, simply because this is a room I wait by myself and I have no one to chat with and pass the time. Then, I hear them taking my husband and mother in law back to the room and they then come to get me… that was about a 10 minute wait as well! Wow.. record timing.. 20 minutes and we’re in the U/S room laying on the bed awaiting the technician! My husband calls this, the third waiting room, ha. The tech came in almost right away. She was so fast… maybe a little too fast for my liking. She was measuring the lungs, heart all the organs, the hands, the feet, the legs, arms, shoulders… she kept pointing things out, I did see a few things but again, she was so fast it didn’t give us enough time on each part to actually make out the black and white fuzziness of the U/S. As I lay there patiently awaiting one of those words.. IT’S A GIRL or IT’S A BOY! It was almost the end of the U/S and I’m as tense as can be because I’m so excited to find out… not to mention I’m squinting incredibly hard at the screen to see if I can make out a boy or girl defining moment. This little guy was moving around like CRAZY! He didn’t really stay still the whole time!
Although he did have his legs crossed for the first portion and the technician would intermittently try to wiggle my belly and push in where his legs were to try and get him to open… in my head I’m screaming “OPEN THOSE LEGS LITTLE ONE!”

So by the end of the U/S, Barb says, “Are those the legs?” The technician said, yep! I knew instantly Barb saw something I had missed… The tech says, well, are you ready to hear my guess? I’m thinking.. UMM PAST READY LADY! TELL ME!...but I patiently say with a huge smile on my face, “Yes!”… Tech: “I’m definatley thinking a boy”.
Me: “ Wait… what?” *teary eyes, BIG smile* “OMG, I’m SO surprised, We SO thought it was a girl!

Justin: “Oh shit.”

Barb: *Laughing*

Justin: “He is going to be so hyper!”

Me: “ I don’t deserve Justins payback!” haha.

We are so excited.. Justin was shocked for a couple days… a little scared our baby boy will be a hellion, just like he was. But I think it will be fine. I’m so excited!



NEXT… REGISTERING!

We got to register Saturday, 9/4/10. 5 HOURS LATER… UGH, I was half dead and my muscles in my lower belly hurt SO bad. It was definitely a lot for one day! But, it was a lot of fun and I think we picked everything we needed. I’ve had to go in a couple times and add a couple items, take a couple off, but no biggy J We registered first at Target… registered for all that we could find at Target first, then we went to Babies R Us and registered for the rest!
Justin had fun choosing the car seat and stroller…. Testing them out around the store. Of course he picked the most expensive one, it was the lightest and easiest to maneuver… I liked it as well so I let him pick the stroller and car seat J
Justin was more into the electronics and fun stuff like that. He’s now dying to get the new COLOR TV baby monitor… it’s wireless and you can take the monitor in your hands anywhere around the house and see our little one sleeping! I decided not to register for this… Justin can purchase this one for the baby himself!
Then on to the diaper bags… what a hard choice! You want something a that you wont mind carrying all the time as well as something not too big and bulky but not too small… I tried to get Justin to pick one out but he’s decided he’ll be getting his diaper bag from Quicksilver. Ha.
We picked a more expensive nursery set, but we LOVE it. We believe this set will last a long time, exp since it converts into a toddler, twin and full bed! Perfect!
We both agreed on the bedding, oh I can’t wait to start on the nursery!

Now… the thing we’re not agreeing on at all… THE NAME! We had a girl name all picked out and were so happy with it.. Boy names.. IMPOSSIBLE! He comes up with names, I don’t like, I come up with AWESOME names (in my opinion ) and he doesn’t like them! Naming your child is like the biggest responsibility ever… EXP a BOY! You want to make sure it’s a strong name, not wimpy, not anything he can be made fun of.. so many things go into naming you baby! We want to pick the PERFECT name… Oh, it will come to us… hopefully soon.

So there’s my latest updates! Oh, and this lil’ man is moving around and kicking like crazy now a days! Justin still can’t feel him from the outside and you can’t see it… but I feel it all the time! I love it!

P.S... Everyone has an opinion... about EVERYTHING. Great. Yes, that is so much fun... really. ;)

ANYONE HAVE GUESSES?! AAH I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Feeling the buggy boo :)... Feelin' the weight gain :(

I've started to feel our little buggy boo! It's just an awesome feeling. At first a couple weeks ago I was feeling very breif "flips" or "flutters", which only lasted a second... for this week, it's lasted for a good half a minute each time and they are through out the day. :)
I'm trying not to be so over dramatic, but it's like this life changing experience, every time I feel her. It's an addiction now... I find myself waiting for the next movement.

Yes, I said her... I don't know for sure yet what our little baby will be just yet... but I of course have my suspicions.

We'll find out the sex SOON... it's a surprise when we'll find out... BUT, when we decide to let everyone in on the secret... I'll be sure to post it!

Now... for the topic not fun to talk about... WEIGHT GAIN. EEW. I didn't think it would be so difficult to watch that scale go ... higher, higher.... oh and HIGHER every time I go to my doctor appointments.. but truthfully it's almost gut wrenching! Of course you know, you have to gain weight when you're pregnant... you brace yourself for it... but it's harder to deal with while it's happening then you might think!

I'm so scared of being that short chubby prego lady, ha. I guess it's time for me to get over that fear and deal with the weight gain at hand. I'm going to gain weight, I'm not going to be one of those lucky ladies who is tiny and simply has a basketball tummy... which is okay. I'm getting what I've been wishing for, for so long... I'm getting for free what I originally paid tons of money just to find out invitro didn't work! Who cares if a little weight gain comes with the wish? Don't nit pick when you're lucky to get what you want! ;)

PS. No promises I won't complain just a tad more about the weight gain later ;) ... besides isn't that my right as a pregnant lady? hehe.

Who made you the king?

Some days, I get so tired of... OPINIONS. I mean at some point , I just want to say ... WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK?! Let me live my life, you live yours and we'll all be okay!

That's why I'm in love with the song by Sara Bareilles, King of Anything... it says everything I'd like to say. Basically, we're all entitled to our own opinion... which is fine... what makes it overwhelming is when you think we should TAKE your opinion and you get angry when we don't!

A few of my FAV versus from the song:

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine

I hate to break it to you babe,
but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown.

You can hear the song at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPk4_XfYhjg



Thanks to my friend Shannon Danis for telling me about this song!!! GREAT FIND ;)

HAPPY 9th ANNIVERSARY ON 8/21/10 Besty!

Happy Anniversary to me and my besty. For 9 years we've been best friends... AKA TFF's. We have been through SO much together! From cheerleader vs. trouble-maker to party buds to best friends. Crying in Taco Bell bathrooms, tongue ring piercings, CROOKED ear piercings, Uhaul parties, Yeager parties, jello shooter parties, TOGA Parties... lol..., TOK VS. FTK, Seats being removed from cars by parents, embarrasments, tears, boys, girls, parents, sisters... also many things I can't even put up on this blog :D ... all of it. And we've come out closer than ever. Through our years being friends we've had our ups and downs as any meaningful relationship does. We've come out of it, I believe better people and we've learned so much from each other. For us, we've learned to not judge each other, no matter what. We don't always agree and are opposites on quite a few things... but I think thats what makes us special and so close... we can show each other the "other side" of a situation and we're not afraid to tell each other the truth... BUT we also know when just being there and listening goes further than an opinion or telling each other we did the wrong thing. It's an even balance I think it takes years to learn... and there's still plenty more to learn!

Ashley Nicole Vaughan, I love you besty. I'm so happy we've stuck with each other through it all. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I miss you! XOXO


Below, my gift to Ashley! ;)

Test Results are IN! ( Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 & Trisomy 18)

Test results are in! We have a 1 in 10,000 chance our child will have any of the three illnesses mentioned above. This is the LOWEST risk you can have. This is just WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!! I was sooo extatic to hear about his news on Friday, 7/30/10.... EXP considering I had a HORRIBLE day at work. I really needed some good news.

I have been very busy moving and with work so I haven't been able to update much.. but we've just moved into our temporary home... month to month until we HOPEFULLy buy a house soon.



SOOO... Eating healthy while you're packing, moving, unpacking, pregnant and have a husband who hasn't gained a pound for 14 years.. since before highschool... almost IMPOSSIBLE!!!

First off, it doesn't help that the sweets just taste SO much better... me and food have this whole new relationship that I can't break off! Breakfast food... yummmmy.


It's like all the will power that I used to have has gotten up and flown right out the window... not only that... but right out of this world! Is it easier to say... "I can eat this, I'm pregnant.." Yes, of course it is! Do I feel horrible after I eat it? Sad thing is... no, I don't at all!!!! I've gone through spurts of feeling bad a few times... but it generally takes a couple days.
I have found myself even dreaming of the sweet, sugary, cheezy, cheese danish in my sleep along with the amazing donuts and cheesecakes topped with strawberries... it's soooo bad! I'm like this weird person who's mind is all of a sudden consumed with food!

I find myself actually sick and tired of figureing out what to eat! When it's time for breakfast, lunch or dinner... I simply can't make up my mind because there are so many foods going through my brain! It's so tiring figuring out what it's going to be. I'm like this pregnant lady that has become a FOODAHOLIC! SOMEONE STOP ME!




Don't worry, I know I'm probably making this a bit worse than it is :) I certainly wouldn't be pinning THIS picture on me just yet :)




Okay, this is all I have to report for now! XOXO

Belly Pics 13 Weeks & 4 Days

Sorry I've been slacking on the updates! I'm working on catching up now :)

Here's some much requested belly pics when I was 13 weeks & 4 Days preggo.

I had my appointment yesterday, for Down Syndrome testing and a couple other infancy disability testing you get... it's the First Trimester Screening, which you get between week 10-14.
The appointment went well. Justin didn't go to this appointment, the first one he hasn't been to, the business has been pretty busy this year. Plus I didnt' make a big to do about this appointment since I'm actually having another ultrasound on Thursday.. which is two days apart... so he'll go to that one.

For this appointment, first they take your blood and then you have the ultrasound. First is the Nuchal Translucency testing... which now, it's standard to include the biochemical marker testing as well (blood test). These tests find percentage results for Down Syndrome, risomy 18 and Trisomy 13.

Some main points:
• Serious chromosomal abnormalities are more
commonly associated with pregnancies in women
35 and older, but they can occur at any age.

• The first trimester screen is more accurate in
predicting Down syndrome and Trisomy 18 or 13
than tests later in pregnancy.

• A first trimester screen is only accurate when
performed between 11 to 14 weeks of pregnancy.

• The first trimester screen only evaluates the risk
for Down syndrome and Trisomy 18 or 13.
Screening does not assess the risk for any other
chromosomal disorder, however these conditions
are much less common.

• A normal (negative) first trimester screen significantly
reduces, but does not completely
eliminate, the risk for Down syndrome, Trisomy
18 or 13.

• An abnormal (positive) first trimester screen
increases the chance of finding an abnormality in
your pregnancy. You should consider the option
of diagnostic follow-up testing such as CVS or
amniocentesis.

Now, for MY testing... the fluid behind the babies neck is measured in the ultrasound. The genetic counselor let me know as long as the measurement is below 3.0, this is good.

The technician measures three times and they take the highest measurement. My babies measurement was 2.3. Under 3.0... Phew! Now, you might be wondering.. hmm. that's pretty close to 3.0.. I know I was! Well, the measurement max for the fluid is always 3.0.. whether you're 10 weeks - 14 weeks. I was closer to the 14 week mark when I had the test done, obviously the baby is larger then they are at 10 weeks, therefore the fluid is going to be a bit more as well.

This is why they wait to get the blood results back... they factor in the measurements from the ultrasound, the blood test results as well as your age.. then they are able to give you a percentage odds that your child will have of being born with any of these three illnesses. None are 100% certain.

SO, We should get these odds on Friday.

In the meantime, I was sent home with some pretty cool pictures :) It was again, AMAZING to see the baby... now looking like a baby... slightly alien like (haha) but I saw Him/Her moving around, with his arm moving up and down as if he were scratching his head. I also coughed during the procedure , as the tech asked me to... so we could try and get him to move the way she needed him to.. and he started bouncing around like a little bouncy ball! I never thought that happened when I coughed!! Amazing that's going on... now every movement I make I'm so much more aware that my baby is experiencing the movements in his/her own way too. Wow...

I love this baby more than anything in the world already :) I simply can't wait to meet you baby bug :)



This little booger wasn't cooperating.. not a GREAT profile view... S/He kept looking at the camera and then facing down!











This one is somewhat scary... haha, Shows how S/He was looking at the camera... our belly bug saying "Hi" :)

Maternity Clothes?!

Maternity clothes... They look SO cute when you're NOT pregnant... I just couldn't wait to wear maternity clothes when I was not preggers... well now that my ass has grown 3 sizes and I can't get any of my pants over my rump... I've been forced to buy my first pair of maternity jeans... of course they are still a little big.. since my tummy isn't that big... but, hey my butt fits comfortably at least :)

I'm only 13 weeks 1 day.. and already in my first pair of maternity pants? I have a feeling I'm larger than the average prego.... : /

First off, the jeans look like BOY jeans. My co-worker comes up to me and says... umm are you wearing boy jeans? I could have smacked him... with my stapler!
And, any of the cuter maternity clothes, are SO expensive and more then you want to pay for something you won't be able to wear very long.

Well, some good news, Forever 21 has just started a new Maternity line! There is only a few things on there right now... hopefully over the next couple months they will add more.. I found some cute shirts that I'll have to purchase next month.
And of course you can always wear jewlery no matter WHAT size you are :)

Answers to my questions...

My last appointment went well! We got to hear the babies heart beat... it was truly amazing... I find myself using that word a lot these days...AMAZING.

The babies heart rate is 160 again. So.. now for my questions and answers...

* Can I eat peanut butter? ...
A.) Yes, there is no problem eating peanut butter. The only rule is the baby can not have peanut butter for the first 2 years. Until they can communicate they could be having a reaction.

* Is the babies heartrate an idicator on if it's a boy or girl? A.) Not right now... during the early part of pregnancy higher heart rates are normal. Later during the pregnancy this can be an indicator... but it's not 100%.


* I'm going to ask what cord blood donation intales...

A.) I believe the doctor mis understood me, though I didn't realize it at the time.. First off cord blood donating or saving has NO risks to the baby or the mom. My doctor thought I said I wanted to save the cord blood... so she gave me paper work on saving the cord blood.. which after reading it... makes me wonder if we should.
Cord blood is proven to treat/ cure many diseases. This is not a political debate as it's already been proven. There is no argument about this fact. Cord blood is VERY valuable. The only problem, you generally don't know you or your child needs it until later in life.. which is now why people are saving their cord blood.
This costs about $1900.00... Justin and I had the discussion on if we should save it or donate it... What if we need it down the line... what if we don't and we could have donated it to someone who could use it? I'm going to do a bit more research and then we'll decide. Let me know what you think! Opinions are VERY welcome!!!

* How much weight should I have gained by now and how much more?
This depends, there is no certain number she gave me... just use your common sense on what is good to eat and bad... I read taht you should gain 25-30 pounds.. but after talking to many people who have been pregnant and have had children.. the norm seems to be around 40-60 pounds!
Oy Vey... I'm going to do my best to keep it down and keep it healthy!


* Also the big question, to be sure I can have 5 people in the room with me when the baby is delivered! ( Of course as long as nothing goes wrong and we have a normal delivery)

And that's a Yes! I can have as many people as I want in the room :)


Also, some more good news, I have TWO ultrasounds next week. On Tuesday, 7/27/10, I have my Ultrascreen, this is blood tests and ultrasound, to show the odds of us having a child with down syndrome. Also some other testing done.. I'll let you know more about it once I learn...

Then, my doctors office just got an ultrasound machine in the office! I sure do hope this means Justin and I don't have to go to WRA anymore.. the appointments take FOREVER.. we generally end up having to wait a good 2 hours before we're seen. NOT FUN! Exp when they make you hold your bladder full of water!
SO, Since my doctors office just got an ultrasound machine they are having the nurse/techs practice so they are letting me come in on Monday during lunch for a free ultrasound!

Yay! I have had SO many ultrasounds... lucky lucky me! :D They go a loong way in making you feel better that everything is okay!

So, let me know your opinions on the cord blood!

Officially 3 Months Today!

We are here! We made it to the 3 Month mark! I'm so happy, it's just one hurdle of many we've jumped and with many more ahead to look forward to.
Today, is my monthly appointment, we've seen our baby in ultrasounds and seen the fast flicker of the heartbeat but today... we get to HEAR the heartbeat :)

I'm so excited, I can't wait. It's difficult to focus at work knowing what my day holds for me :D
It's also time for some preliminary questions... so I'm working on making a list of questions... well I have been since last week.

Some questions I'll be asking today:
* Can I eat peanut butter? ...
-I read that you shouldn't eat peanut butter while you're pregnant because it can increase your childs odds of having a peanut allergy... that just doesn't make sense to me... you'd think if you start it on peanut butter, you'd have less of a chance of getting a peanut allergy?? but what do I know? We'll find out at the doc today I guess!

* Is the babies heartrate an idicator on if it's a boy or girl?
- I read that if the babies heart rate is over 140 it can mean GIRL... well at our 9 week 2 day visit... the babies heart rate was 180 BPM!!!! That is FAST!

* I'm going to ask what cord blood donation intales...
- I don't see why I shouldn't donate the cord blood if it doesn't have any risk to my baby or me... we'll see!

* How much weight should I have gained by now and how much more?
- I want to figure out exactly how much I should gain as well as figure out a plan for the next 6 1/2 months, so I know how much I should gain each month... this should hopefully help me not over eat, or over indulge! So far, I've gained 3-4 pounds... I knew I'd gain right away because i was dieting and working out a lot... Once I foudn out, i completeley stopped working out... simply cause I was nervous... but now we're past the 1st trimester... I'm signing up for aquatic exercise and Yoga!

* Also the big question, to be sure I can have 5 people in the room with me when the baby is delivered! ( Of course as long as nothing goes wrong and we have a normal delivery)
- I want my Husband, of course, my mom, my sister, my mother in law and my besty, Ashley. Hopefully they can all make it!... I also have my alternate, Stephanie, if any one of the above can't make it, she'll be stepping in to help out too!

There are more questions... but I won't list every single one!

So wish us luck on our 3 Month appointment today! My mom will be on the phone with us so she can hear the heartbeat too :D

Snap, crackle, POP....

Well.... there's officially a belly bug bump growing! I can no longer button my jeans... Also, I'm pretty sure I'm growing a little baby in my BUTT... Because I can no longer pull half my pants over my butt! I'm wearing dresses more often now and I don't even find THEM comfortable... since I'm at the point that I have a belly... but for someone who doesn't know I'm pregnant, it just looks like i've got a beer belly or a fat gut or something! This is def one of the unattractive phases of pregnancy. I hear this point and the 8th and 9th month are the worst... we'll see :)

Onto other things, We're wanting to buy a house, of course before the baby comes... it's more difficult than one might thing. We're forced to hold off and rent month to month for another 2-3 more months... uugh, I'm ready to have a home i don't have to leave for a good 5 years already! I've done so much moving in my lifetime, the number is simply not appropriate with my age.

Let me think... I moved out when I was 18 yrs old and now I'm 26 yrs old... so in 8 Years I've moved about 12 times... I may be forgetting a couple times too.. eew, that's ridiculous!

This will be around my 13th time moving... I'm like a nomad... but a pathetic one, since all that moving happened only in Virginia!

Well, hopefully by the end of Fall we'll have found a home to buy and be moving in. I'll be good, fat and prego by then so I'm sure I'll be ready!

6/29/10 ... There's a baby in there!

6/29/10: Time for our 9 Week Ultrasound to confirm the due date!


We measured at 9 Weeks and 2 Days today. This was again, an AMAZING visit! Barb (Justins mom) got to come with us this time and witness the little miracle bug! S/He has little arm and leg buds moving around!! We actually saw his/her arms and legs wiggling around on the ultrasound!! This was so amazing!!!!!! I can't believe that little baby is already moving around in there. His/her heart rate was measured again and this time it's at 180BPM! (That's good :) )





Justin, who isn't the most serious of all people, if you know him... you could tell he was amazed that he could see a baby. I am so excited for me but I am more excited for him to experience this wonderful process and have what I was so afraid of him never getting.


Even after my lovely sister, Sabrina, continuously calling us over and over, begging to be on the phone while we were in the ultrasound room, haha... This was, an amazing day. (PS, The ultrasound tech would NOT let us be on the phone, so my sister had to settle for a call afterwards)





Here's the best picture out of them all:

Justin thinks our little belly bug looks like a teddy bear :) Among the other comments , such as, he has your head amanda... a big one! ha,

Oh how I love our little belly bug :)

6/28/10... Do you believe in Miracles?

Do You believe in miracles? I don't think I ever had an opinion about them. Sure, they are nice to think about, I guess everyone hopes there is such a thing... But of course know one really knows if there are miracles or simply coincidences that happen randomly to very lucky people. Maybe people who do believe havw experienced miracles whether in their own life or even being connected to someone who has had a miracle happen to them. Maybe the people who docent believe in miracles have had horrible instances in their lives that they couldn't escape and they weren't provided a miracle to get them through it... Or maybe they simply haven't had anything bad enough happen to where they have thought of miracles. Who knows... Ofcourse I found myself thinking of miracles a lot then past year and a half, who wouldn't when told by the doctor when you ask if having a child will be impossible and the doctor responds " miracles can happen". From that moment I thought to myself, "not to me". Yes the first thing you do is feel sorry for yourself... Until you realize after tods of research and infertility message boards that show you... You aren't the only one and thousandsof women... Millions of women go through infertility everyday.... So many women who don't get pregnant, who do get pregnant and miscarry, so many women... Couples who spend thousands of dollars time after time for the hope of getting pregnant, gettirng to full term and finally delivering a healthy baby. There are so many things that can go wrong to the healthiest of women out there with no infertility issues. Pregnancy is hard to achieve and even more difficult to keep.
So as soon as Justin and I found out I was pregnant.... I immidiTley thought..."it's a miracle!"... This was quickly dashed away with threat of how many things that can go wrong. As Justin and I havw now been to five doctor appointments and I only nine weeks along, my doctors have been helpful in easing my mind that all is going ok so far.

After my last third sonogram I'm happy to report that we have a heartbeat! When I saw the heartbeat pop up it was a wave of, love, excited, fear, anxiety, complete happiness and all of these overwhelming feelings. Once I was able to call my sister, mom and mother in law on the phone totell them the good news my excitement and joy was that much more excited.,
To hear their happiness on the other line filled me with so much joy.

Just some thoughts I was having, so I thought I'd share :)

catching up... starting with 6/11

Sorry my blog has been suffering... so much has happened and I haven't been able to update! So, I'll start with 6/11...

6/11/10: We had another ultrasound and this time.. YAY , We saw the little dot that is our baby :) We got to see the heartbeat as well... how amazing is that?!??! This was the coolest thing I've ever seen! For anyone who has seen it, knows what I'm talking about. A-MAZING.

Once we left the doctors office we called my mom, my sister and Justins mom. They were all so extatic! Barb (Kimmel) was in tears which of course put me in tears because we have finally found out that so far, everything is fine.

Our little belly bug has its first heart rate measurement at 150BPM. We are so happy!

Below is a pic of our baby and the Yolk sac!

All the Ultrasounds you could want...

UPDATE:
Friday, 6/4/10 We had another ultrasound. This time, we saw the yolk sac! The baby has not been "confirmed" yet since we haven't found a heartbeat. Looks like I was about 4 1/2 weeks last week and now I'm 5 1/2 weeks... my HCG Levels are HIGH... which could mean one of two things, my baby is very strong, healthy... or... could there be two???????????
No, no, not two, haha, it's funny, when they say "Be careful what you wish for!" , Just a month ago I said, "I'd rather have twins, then none at all!"

Well, I would, I'd rather have twins then none at all. I'm sure there is only one though :)

We should find out tomorrow, as now, 6/10/2010 I should be around 6 1/2 weeks along... so hoping we can see the heartbeat at the ultrasound tomorrow!!!!!

I'll keep you updated, we should have a due date tomorrow too!

HCG LEVEL TESTING....

Today, I have an appointment at the doctor to have more blood drawn, to test my HCG Levels. Since the Ultrasound was not much help, other than showing a dot in my uterus as well as and Endometrioma on my right ovary (great : / ) it simply wasn't "conclusive". So, we'll test my levels today to make sure they are going up and not down... or staying the same.

Wish me luck ... I'm praying everything is okay. We may just be earlier than we thought... I hope.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 5/23/10 we got back from camping. We had a GREAT time camping. It was fun, relaxing, good to be with good friends and very much needed!

On Sunday I was bout 13 days late for my period... now the week before when I was 6 days late, I took a pregnancy test... due to my sister forcing me. I had been exhausted and she said... " You could be pregnant!"... Of course I knew I wasn't and I took the test to shut her up.. and there it was, NEGATIVE. I knew it. :(

So Sunday when we got back I was still late, I decided... " I have one pregnancy test left, I'll just take it just because." I mean how many times have I done that? I've done that several time this year... well this time... BIG PLUS SIGN APPEARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did this really happen?!? I showed Justin and asked him if he saw PLUS sign too?! He said, "Umm, yea.. but can we trust that thing?" Hahaha, So I made a doctors appointment for Monday :)

Monday came, I had my OB appt and they confirmed I'm pregnant :) NEXT, Is the first ultrasound, scheduled for Wednesday to see how far along I am.

WEDNESDAY: 5/26/10

Well I'm too early to find out the due date... rescheduling another ultrasound for next week! Hopefully we can see the heart beat then too. I'm diing to see it!


Just like "they" say... we stopped trying and began thinking other options... and then it happened :)

So far, I feel fine, my boobs are a little sore and I'm exhausted. Work can be a struggle at some points during the day because all I can think about is laying my head on my pillow and going back to sleep! But, I'll get through it :) We're just so happy we finally have this baby and we are praying s/he stays with us! Let's get past the first three months now!

SPRING IS HERE!

Spring is here :)

I've been working out, eating right and trying to get into shape. I've lost 12 pounds with about 10-14 more pounds to go!

Today is a busy day, both with work and home. Justin and I are going camping this weekend with some good friends :) We can't wait! Although, I may have gone a little out of control at the store yesterday, buying so many things.... I spent about $250.00 for a weekend camping trip. That doesn't even include the tent! ahah. That's okay, I want to be sure we are comfortable and warm!

Can't wait to relax for the weekend, Rockie is REALLY excited too :) I mean, he's getting old and needs some exercise.. he hasn't been camping since last year obviously and he LOVED it. So I can't wait to take him :)

*Pictures taken from Gooneycreek.com

I hope everyone else has a great weekend!

Invitro or Adoption? Both cost A LOT$$$$

Justin and I talk... Invitro... again? Sometimes, I say, I have to try again, just one more time. Then other times I say I don't know if I can go through that again. There's women out there that go through invitro several times.... They are so strong. I only wish I had that much strength in me. Maybe I do... I don't know yet because we certainly haven't made any final decisions yet.

I feel it getting close to decision time though... We need to decide, are we saving for another round of Invitro but this time, using two embryos? For a possiblity of twins? Oh, that would be amazing... i'm begging for just one... if we got two at once, would it be a lot? Yes, but I'd be thanking God if that happened :)

I've been reading a lot about adoption. Adoption from another country that is... if we're going to adopt we should help a child from another country, there's no point in waiting 5 years for a baby born in the United States. The point is, they are both a lot of money and a lot of time off work. The fact is I think we can only afford to do one... which one?

I guess we could try invitro once more and if it doensn't work, start saving for adoption a few years down the road. People don't generally start having kids until 30's these days... I just didn't want to wait until I'm 30. I'm ready to be a mom. All I think about DAILY is a baby. I think about what are we going to do next... make a decision.

Justin, he has said, "don't worry, we'll get pregnant!" But I don't think he realizes it probably won't happen... I feel more comfortable saying it won't then saying it will. I REALLY thought the invitro was going to work out last time and it is still killing me. I can't believe it will happen again. I don't want to feel that stab in my heart, feel my breath taken away, all my plans, all my hopes, all that love I was putting towards a baby that didn't stay. I talked... no begged to my stomache every day as we waited, for the baby to stay. Of course I think... what did I do wrong? I was to over weight? I had gained weight... was it work? Did I allow my work to stress me out too much? did i let the medicines stress me out too much? Did I let my emotions get the best of my body?

The question is.... can I handle all of these questions all over again? What was I meant for? I want to expierience mine and Justins baby growing in my belly. I imagine it all the time... is that all I will ever get? Imagination? Dreams? If so, that's okay... as long as the outcome is, I will be a Mom. I just wish I knew what we should do. Try again? Or adopt now? Should I waste more feelings/ emotions/ hope on trying again?

I don't know what I want to do... I know what Justin wants... to try again, he wants us to have our own... but what can I handle again? I just don't know yet.


Well, I'm getting an adoption packet in the mail from an adoption agency. I've talked to a woman on the phone a few times, it's comforting to know some questions can be answered, at least about adoption. I guess we'll make a decision when we can figure out just how much adoption will be. We'll figure out what we can do. What we can both live with.

A decision will have to be made... it's just when and what?

My Best Friend is leaving ...

As the title says... my best friend is gone. She told me she was looking for a job out there, she went out there for interviews... but I just didn't expect for it to happen this fast. While I've been there for her during her hard time she probably didn't even realize how much she's been there more for me. To take my mind off my issues. We talk every day and try to get together as often as possible. She keeps me busy and I talk to her about everything... things I could never tell anyone else.

This weekend was a hard one for me. I went out on Friday night with my husband and some friends. It was meant to be a good night out, and it was, until the end. I ended up getting into a conversation with someone.
He proceeded to tell me how he's gotten girls pregnan, you know drunken talk... at that moment, I thought to myself... I've been thinking this whole time that maybe if I wasn't so responsible I could have gotten pregnant earlier. Even if it was with the wrong person, atleast I'd have my baby. But at that moment, I felt all my what if's go out the window. He's gotten other girls pregnant? I was NEVER pregnant. We had our mistakes... but it never happened. I thought... I was NEVER able to get pregnant. And now, more then ever I believe it will never happen for me.

I'm so much in my head these days. Justin knew I was upset on the way home ofcourse because he saw my tears. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why, I just know he won't understand. He got irritated but there's things he just can't understand on my side.

Now, my best friend who, doesn't really understand either but atleast she can keep my head away from all of this, is leaving me. Not even in a month... she's already gone. She just calls on Sunday and says, I'm not coming back, I found a job and I start Tuesday. It hurt so bad, she was the one person I had here with me. And now I feel like I have no one. Yes, I have my husband and he says, "Don't cry, it's okay hun, you have me, you can talk to me." I know I can, but it's different. I don't know how to explain it.

As they say on Grey's Anatomy... She's my person, and she's leaving. What am I supposed to do now?

Facebook blues...

Some days, facebook really upsets me. I just get so sad, seeing all these people happily pregnant. Some people, it's so easy for. Of course I'm jealous... I'm happy for them, but I constantly wonder, why can't that be me?

Some days I get more sad than others. Some days I can pretend that we just aren't trying and we're just a newlywed couple living our life....

then there's days like this one, where I feel so sad I am on the verge of tears while at work, thinking, it's never going to be our turn. I'm not going to get to feel the experience of pregnancy, of birth, of giving Justin his one chance at having a "blood relative". His family is amazing to him, he doesn't need "blood", but I guess it's that feeling of wanting to give your husband something no one else has been able to give him? I don't know. Then there's just me, the way I feel about it for myself. I've always known I wanted kid(s) and now what if I can't? Sure, there's adoption... but we'll have to wait MUCH longer than I ever wanted to, and that is also extremely expensive.

I guess I'm stuck right now. I want to try again, (in vitro) but then again I don't... I don't want to be told "it didn't work" again. I don't want it to be "Final".

I guess, I'm just waiting for a miracle... for our lives to just be easy all of a sudden? But I guess that's what everyone is waiting for, in some shape or form.
Nothing is perfect, but I don't want THIS inperfection....

I just want to stop dreaming about it... because I do, all the time, I can't control it. It makes it worse because at night, it's right there and I can feel it. Some times it's so real that when I wake up, I'm just so heart broken that it wasn't real.

So many people are going through infertility in the world... but it's hard to think about them, it's hard to think that I'm NOT the only one.... expecially with all the happy pregnant women around.

Work, work doesn't help. It's just ridiculous right now. Why they won't hire an extra person is beyond me. We are so overwhelmed it jsut doesn't help.


Hopefully some better days are coming, I'm just waiting for them...

Waiting to try again... want to be in the best health.

Well, we knew right away that we wanted to try again. At first I wanted to try right away. But, right now, I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it.... I'm not ready to hear " It's not good news I'm afraid" again right now. So, I'm working out, eating healthy fully off of caffeine and working hard to make my body as healthy as I can.

So, I've been working out everyday except Sundays.

I don't have much more to write about right now but I'll keep the blog updated.

..

it didn't work out, we lost it. Not much i can say other than it hurts so bad. We really thought this would work.

WAITING......................... GOING INSANE WAITING...

I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST WANT TO KNOW ALREADY!!!!!!!!! I want to know I AM pregnant already that is...

Oh wow, worst wait ever.

Day 20 - 1/25/10 EMBRYO TRANSPLANT :D

So, let me catch you up...

The egg retrieval was a little painful and I had to take the day off of work, but the following day I was fine. I had to wait a day to see if the egg they retrieved could be fertilized....
The egg fertilized!!!!!!!! :D We have a baby embryo :)

We went to the doctor today for the transplant. This was a more simple procedure but I still was given a valume and took the day off of work.

We got a picture of our baby embryo when it was in the petri dish... so cool... even cooler....

We got to watch the sonogram as they put the embryo in, i saw it pop up on the screen.... IT WAS AMAZING! I can not even describe the feeling I got. Absolutley amazing, and there is our baby.... now we just have to wait and see if S/He wants to stick with us....

We even got to take home the pictures of the embryo and it in my uterus...


So now, we wait.... wait to see if our baby sticks.... S/He just has to grab on and stay with us... I'm praying.

:D

Day 15 - January 20, 2010

Today is the day of the Egg retrieval... I'm really nervous but excited as well...

Last night was the absolute most ridiculous evening ever. lol. Just had to give me my HCG shot.. this basically boosts your ovulation, so you're ready the following day for the egg retrieval.

Basically, Justin (my husband) had to "dart" a needle in my back hip. This process took about... 30 -45 minutes... At first, I was freaking out because first, needles suck.... second, needles that must be "DARTED" into you.. suck, third... an INEXPERIENCED HUSBAND darting a needle into you... is freaking scary! I'm definatley lucky that I only had to take one shot.. witht he Natural Cycle you don't have to give yourself shots daily... well let me knock on wood... hopefully this works so we don't have to do the expensive, MANY SHOTS, much medicine IVF.

So, after I got control of myself .. well and after I called my sister Sabrina and my best friend Ashley.... and she asked me.. do you want to have a baby or not?! then stop being a baby and DO IT! lol. Yes, I do want a baby... I CAN DO THIS!!!!

So I breathed, Justin said he was ready ... AND.... Justin can't do it.
You have to be KIDDING ME! You can't do it?? So after a few more tries, Justin pulls through and darts the needle in... I didn't even feel it. HAHAHA, The worst was pushing the medicine in, it stung and pulling the needle out hurt a little.. then the next couple days my butt was sore, but other than that, it was fine.

I'll let you know how the egg retrieval goes...

IT'S TIME!

GREAT NEWS! MY FOLLICLES ARE GROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, one on my left ovary is growing! And, it's time to move forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited! Wednesday is suppose to be the day we do the egg retrieval.


I'm waiting for a confirmed call because they still have to look at my blood tests but the Dr said I may be ready for my HCG shot tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AAAAAAAAH... So... anyone who reads this blog, please, don't tell ANYONE! This is a secret :)

We'll see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


- :D Amanda

Well, I'm on day 10 again, Dr. D told us today, that if my follicles don't start growing soon, that means I do have an issue... well another issue.

Great.

Deep down, I knew this would happenin fact deep down OF COURSE I'm frightened that we wont get pregnant. I want this more than anything in the world... and you know what I DON'T want to hear...

"Don't think about it so much, I've heard that when people stop trying, they get pregnant!"

Can I address this? First off, Try being in our position and STOP thinking about it.... really? Not happening.... that's simply not something that is controllable until you're told you have no chance of having children. OF COURSE I'm going to continue to try until the doctors tell me it's hopeless.

Here's another,

"Don't worry, everything happens for ar eaons and ifyou can't get pregnant, you can adopt!"

Okay, first off, not the same thing. Sure, of course I can adopt.. MUCH later down the road... because you think In Vitro is expensive?.... try adopting. And, if we were to adopt it would be from another country. I'd rather helpa a baby from another country that might have not been able to be adopted rather than sitting on a 5 year waiting list for a baby in a America. But the other part of that statement that bugs me... D you think saying... " EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" do you think THAT is going to make me feel better? I mean, really? No, that makes me feel worse, because what do you think is at the top of my mind? Well, i must not be able to get pregnant because I shouldn't be a mom.

No, I dont think people are saying that to me, but when you're going through something like this you can't help but to prepare yourself for the worst... so you think the worst of everything... it'sb etter than thinking the best and getting hurt worse in the end... I started this road pretty sure I'd get pregnant... now, Not so sure.


So, back to the Doctors appt today. Dr. D told me, "If this month is anything like last month... that means you've got an iregular cycle. Whether you had this before or not, you may have developed it recently. If that's the case, then we will start you on fertility medicine.

So, possibly fertility drugs next... : / Which means more $$$$... which, okay if it means me having the baby w want so badly, that's fine... it just sucks because I've heard that the meds can of course have side effects such as altering your mood/ emotions.... ha, that's the LAST thing I need right now! Among other side effects.

We'll see.. I just keep hoping and praying... yes I said it, praying... for anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a super religious person. But I can tell you, I do believe in God and I do pray to him. I may not be able to find a church that I feel doesn't push their own beliefs and take of the bible onto me but that doesn't mean I don't have my own beliefs.

I just hope taht God has a plan for me. I pray that the plan includes a baby and I try to have faith.

Till next time... I'll put a smile on my face and keep moving... Onward and Upward?

another round..

Happy New Year!!!
My resolution for this New Year.... to eat Healthy... everyone's resolution every year! AND, To be Happy, no matter what happens... I plan on being HAPPY :)

So... another round, here we come... I totally skipped my period for the month of December... wow, that has NEVER happened to me. I was convincing myself I was pregnant... till I took about 4 pregnancy tests.... I know what you're thinking.. with all the testing I've had with my Doctors, don't you think they'd KNOW I was pregnant?
Yea, I'm sure they would, but when you're desperate and something that hasn't EVER happened, happens.... you can make yourself believe anything. : /

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get my period... when on Jan 5th in the middle of the night, I was having ANOTHER pregnancy dream. I had a dream that I was pregnant but the cramps from the pregnancy were HORRIBLE... they actually woke me up they were so bad... then I realized... WOW, MY PERIOD IS HERE!!!
Ha, later, when I finally got back to sleep, I then had a dream that Justin and I couldn't have any babies, the IVF didn't work.... so , we STOLE A BABY!

Yea, i'm all about weird dreams lately! Don't worry, if this doesn't work out, I promise we won't steal your baby! lolol

So I figured, I'm sure I was absolutley stressed to the max, of course I was stressed, I'm trying to have a baby! And sooner than we thought we'd have one! And, I may or may not get pregnant... that's a lot to "not think about"...

So now, I'm going about this a little different this month. I'm not going to talk about it, i'll use my blog as my diary and put my feelings on here. I don't plan on talking about any of my Doctors appointments to anyone. I'm just going to see how it goes. I will be sure to let everyone know about it if it works out, or if it doesn't. For now, Justin and I are going to do this together.

I'd like to thank anyone who knows about it for their support in this. We appreciate everything. No matter what, we will be Happy. :)


NOW, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!! HERE'S TO A BETTER 2010 AND HERE'S TO EVERYONE GETTING WHAT THEY WANT THIS YEAR!

XOXOXO