Facebook blues...

Some days, facebook really upsets me. I just get so sad, seeing all these people happily pregnant. Some people, it's so easy for. Of course I'm jealous... I'm happy for them, but I constantly wonder, why can't that be me?

Some days I get more sad than others. Some days I can pretend that we just aren't trying and we're just a newlywed couple living our life....

then there's days like this one, where I feel so sad I am on the verge of tears while at work, thinking, it's never going to be our turn. I'm not going to get to feel the experience of pregnancy, of birth, of giving Justin his one chance at having a "blood relative". His family is amazing to him, he doesn't need "blood", but I guess it's that feeling of wanting to give your husband something no one else has been able to give him? I don't know. Then there's just me, the way I feel about it for myself. I've always known I wanted kid(s) and now what if I can't? Sure, there's adoption... but we'll have to wait MUCH longer than I ever wanted to, and that is also extremely expensive.

I guess I'm stuck right now. I want to try again, (in vitro) but then again I don't... I don't want to be told "it didn't work" again. I don't want it to be "Final".

I guess, I'm just waiting for a miracle... for our lives to just be easy all of a sudden? But I guess that's what everyone is waiting for, in some shape or form.
Nothing is perfect, but I don't want THIS inperfection....

I just want to stop dreaming about it... because I do, all the time, I can't control it. It makes it worse because at night, it's right there and I can feel it. Some times it's so real that when I wake up, I'm just so heart broken that it wasn't real.

So many people are going through infertility in the world... but it's hard to think about them, it's hard to think that I'm NOT the only one.... expecially with all the happy pregnant women around.

Work, work doesn't help. It's just ridiculous right now. Why they won't hire an extra person is beyond me. We are so overwhelmed it jsut doesn't help.


Hopefully some better days are coming, I'm just waiting for them...

Waiting to try again... want to be in the best health.

Well, we knew right away that we wanted to try again. At first I wanted to try right away. But, right now, I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it.... I'm not ready to hear " It's not good news I'm afraid" again right now. So, I'm working out, eating healthy fully off of caffeine and working hard to make my body as healthy as I can.

So, I've been working out everyday except Sundays.

I don't have much more to write about right now but I'll keep the blog updated.