As the title says... my best friend is gone. She told me she was looking for a job out there, she went out there for interviews... but I just didn't expect for it to happen this fast. While I've been there for her during her hard time she probably didn't even realize how much she's been there more for me. To take my mind off my issues. We talk every day and try to get together as often as possible. She keeps me busy and I talk to her about everything... things I could never tell anyone else.
This weekend was a hard one for me. I went out on Friday night with my husband and some friends. It was meant to be a good night out, and it was, until the end. I ended up getting into a conversation with someone.
He proceeded to tell me how he's gotten girls pregnan, you know drunken talk... at that moment, I thought to myself... I've been thinking this whole time that maybe if I wasn't so responsible I could have gotten pregnant earlier. Even if it was with the wrong person, atleast I'd have my baby. But at that moment, I felt all my what if's go out the window. He's gotten other girls pregnant? I was NEVER pregnant. We had our mistakes... but it never happened. I thought... I was NEVER able to get pregnant. And now, more then ever I believe it will never happen for me.
I'm so much in my head these days. Justin knew I was upset on the way home ofcourse because he saw my tears. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why, I just know he won't understand. He got irritated but there's things he just can't understand on my side.
Now, my best friend who, doesn't really understand either but atleast she can keep my head away from all of this, is leaving me. Not even in a month... she's already gone. She just calls on Sunday and says, I'm not coming back, I found a job and I start Tuesday. It hurt so bad, she was the one person I had here with me. And now I feel like I have no one. Yes, I have my husband and he says, "Don't cry, it's okay hun, you have me, you can talk to me." I know I can, but it's different. I don't know how to explain it.
As they say on Grey's Anatomy... She's my person, and she's leaving. What am I supposed to do now?
This weekend was a hard one for me. I went out on Friday night with my husband and some friends. It was meant to be a good night out, and it was, until the end. I ended up getting into a conversation with someone.
He proceeded to tell me how he's gotten girls pregnan, you know drunken talk... at that moment, I thought to myself... I've been thinking this whole time that maybe if I wasn't so responsible I could have gotten pregnant earlier. Even if it was with the wrong person, atleast I'd have my baby. But at that moment, I felt all my what if's go out the window. He's gotten other girls pregnant? I was NEVER pregnant. We had our mistakes... but it never happened. I thought... I was NEVER able to get pregnant. And now, more then ever I believe it will never happen for me.
I'm so much in my head these days. Justin knew I was upset on the way home ofcourse because he saw my tears. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why, I just know he won't understand. He got irritated but there's things he just can't understand on my side.
Now, my best friend who, doesn't really understand either but atleast she can keep my head away from all of this, is leaving me. Not even in a month... she's already gone. She just calls on Sunday and says, I'm not coming back, I found a job and I start Tuesday. It hurt so bad, she was the one person I had here with me. And now I feel like I have no one. Yes, I have my husband and he says, "Don't cry, it's okay hun, you have me, you can talk to me." I know I can, but it's different. I don't know how to explain it.
As they say on Grey's Anatomy... She's my person, and she's leaving. What am I supposed to do now?
