IT'S TIME!

GREAT NEWS! MY FOLLICLES ARE GROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, one on my left ovary is growing! And, it's time to move forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited! Wednesday is suppose to be the day we do the egg retrieval.


I'm waiting for a confirmed call because they still have to look at my blood tests but the Dr said I may be ready for my HCG shot tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AAAAAAAAH... So... anyone who reads this blog, please, don't tell ANYONE! This is a secret :)

We'll see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


- :D Amanda

Well, I'm on day 10 again, Dr. D told us today, that if my follicles don't start growing soon, that means I do have an issue... well another issue.

Great.

Deep down, I knew this would happenin fact deep down OF COURSE I'm frightened that we wont get pregnant. I want this more than anything in the world... and you know what I DON'T want to hear...

"Don't think about it so much, I've heard that when people stop trying, they get pregnant!"

Can I address this? First off, Try being in our position and STOP thinking about it.... really? Not happening.... that's simply not something that is controllable until you're told you have no chance of having children. OF COURSE I'm going to continue to try until the doctors tell me it's hopeless.

Here's another,

"Don't worry, everything happens for ar eaons and ifyou can't get pregnant, you can adopt!"

Okay, first off, not the same thing. Sure, of course I can adopt.. MUCH later down the road... because you think In Vitro is expensive?.... try adopting. And, if we were to adopt it would be from another country. I'd rather helpa a baby from another country that might have not been able to be adopted rather than sitting on a 5 year waiting list for a baby in a America. But the other part of that statement that bugs me... D you think saying... " EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" do you think THAT is going to make me feel better? I mean, really? No, that makes me feel worse, because what do you think is at the top of my mind? Well, i must not be able to get pregnant because I shouldn't be a mom.

No, I dont think people are saying that to me, but when you're going through something like this you can't help but to prepare yourself for the worst... so you think the worst of everything... it'sb etter than thinking the best and getting hurt worse in the end... I started this road pretty sure I'd get pregnant... now, Not so sure.


So, back to the Doctors appt today. Dr. D told me, "If this month is anything like last month... that means you've got an iregular cycle. Whether you had this before or not, you may have developed it recently. If that's the case, then we will start you on fertility medicine.

So, possibly fertility drugs next... : / Which means more $$$$... which, okay if it means me having the baby w want so badly, that's fine... it just sucks because I've heard that the meds can of course have side effects such as altering your mood/ emotions.... ha, that's the LAST thing I need right now! Among other side effects.

We'll see.. I just keep hoping and praying... yes I said it, praying... for anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a super religious person. But I can tell you, I do believe in God and I do pray to him. I may not be able to find a church that I feel doesn't push their own beliefs and take of the bible onto me but that doesn't mean I don't have my own beliefs.

I just hope taht God has a plan for me. I pray that the plan includes a baby and I try to have faith.

Till next time... I'll put a smile on my face and keep moving... Onward and Upward?

another round..

Happy New Year!!!
My resolution for this New Year.... to eat Healthy... everyone's resolution every year! AND, To be Happy, no matter what happens... I plan on being HAPPY :)

So... another round, here we come... I totally skipped my period for the month of December... wow, that has NEVER happened to me. I was convincing myself I was pregnant... till I took about 4 pregnancy tests.... I know what you're thinking.. with all the testing I've had with my Doctors, don't you think they'd KNOW I was pregnant?
Yea, I'm sure they would, but when you're desperate and something that hasn't EVER happened, happens.... you can make yourself believe anything. : /

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get my period... when on Jan 5th in the middle of the night, I was having ANOTHER pregnancy dream. I had a dream that I was pregnant but the cramps from the pregnancy were HORRIBLE... they actually woke me up they were so bad... then I realized... WOW, MY PERIOD IS HERE!!!
Ha, later, when I finally got back to sleep, I then had a dream that Justin and I couldn't have any babies, the IVF didn't work.... so , we STOLE A BABY!

Yea, i'm all about weird dreams lately! Don't worry, if this doesn't work out, I promise we won't steal your baby! lolol

So I figured, I'm sure I was absolutley stressed to the max, of course I was stressed, I'm trying to have a baby! And sooner than we thought we'd have one! And, I may or may not get pregnant... that's a lot to "not think about"...

So now, I'm going about this a little different this month. I'm not going to talk about it, i'll use my blog as my diary and put my feelings on here. I don't plan on talking about any of my Doctors appointments to anyone. I'm just going to see how it goes. I will be sure to let everyone know about it if it works out, or if it doesn't. For now, Justin and I are going to do this together.

I'd like to thank anyone who knows about it for their support in this. We appreciate everything. No matter what, we will be Happy. :)


NOW, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!! HERE'S TO A BETTER 2010 AND HERE'S TO EVERYONE GETTING WHAT THEY WANT THIS YEAR!

XOXOXO

RIP Brittany Murphy

R.I.P. BRITTANY MURPHY

Well, Brittany Murphy has passed away... so sad :( I really liked her! Such a unique actress and as all the famous people have said, she always had a bright smiling face... I'm sure it had something to do with drugs... with the eractic behavior that was reported recently and the passing out on movie sets...

So sad...

Day...... NEXT..... : /

Okay… so obviously this month cycle did not work out.. : /

I didn’t ovulate… CAN NOT believe it… My cycles are NEVER late… so NOW, they are worried I MIGHT have an ovulatory disfunction…

This cannot be, seriously.. it’s always something holding us back. I mean I can’t lie, I see everyone on their facebooks with their babies and I do get a little jealous and wonder if I will ever have that. Yea yea, people say we can adopt… but A LOT of money goes into adopting and it takes a long time. Not to mention, we’re no where close to being able to afford adopting right now… exp since the Invitro is eating up any extra money we may have.

Dr.D said that we should try the cycle again in January with OUT fertility treatments… he said this could have been a funky cycle…

I’m hoping it is … I mean I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever been late for my period!
BUT…. The good news is… I’M LATE FOR MY PERIOD! Which means I probably did just have a funky cycle… probably my body is stressed from everything thing… so hopefully I can get my pd on track next month and we can get pregnant!

I joined this message board for Invitro and infertility women and it’s amazing what women have to go through… I mean to think I’m only in the beginning of what COULD BE… So many women suffer from infertility and miscarriages and stillbirths… as my mother in law said… it’s truly a MIRACLE that babies are born in the first place. There are SO many things that can go wrong even IF you DO get pregnant!

I mean all in all, you can ONLY get pregnant ONE day out of the month, the sperm HAS to be strong enough to fertilize the egg then there’s 10 months for something to go wrong!

I will count my lucky stars if we get pregnant and have one baby, I will be thankful for just one… I find myself praying for just one and that’s all I want.
I had a dream a couple nights ago… well I have pregnant dreams ALL the time just because it’s always on my mind… but this dream was SO REAL… Have you ever had those dreams where you wake up and wonder… Did that really happen? And it takes a minute for you to decide that was just a dream?
Well this was one of those. I dreamt I was bout 6 or 7 months pregnant and it was a normal day doing , whatever and when I went to bed, I had to sleep on my side… because I couldn’t sleep on my stomach with my big belly! Well, then I woke up and I was laying on my stomach… ( I ACTUALLY WOKE UP) … I started freaking out because I thought I killed my baby… then I had to think.. wait, that was a dream… I wasn’t pregnant.
It was soooo surreal…. I was freaked out all day, it felt SO real.

So anyhow, I’m going to try and enjoy the Holidays with family and friends and try and keep my mind off the baby thing as much as I can… so I don’t continue to stress myself out….

Yes… easier said than done….

DAY 17 ........

EXPLANATION OF THE FOLLICLE STAGE OF THE CYLCE:

The follicular stage lasts for about the first 14 or 15 days of the cycle from the first day of the period. During this phase, the release from the ovaries then the maturation of a number of follicles takes place, however only the most mature one of these follicles will produce an egg capable of being fertilised. A follicle is driven to maturity by the secreted hormone FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone).

As the follicles mature, they release the hormone estrogen. This makes the uterus wall thicken and the cervical mucus to alter it's consistency.

The Ovulation: As the FSH levels and estrogen levels rise, the secretion of large amounts of another hormone, LH (Leutenising Hormone) is triggered. This rise in LH provokes the most mature follicle to burst open and release an egg from the ovary into the fallopian tube.

As soon as the egg is freed, it is helped along the tube by tiny horn-like fronds that line the fallopian tube. The egg is now in a fertilisable state in a window of about 24 hours.

(Taken from: http://www.paternityangel.com/Articles_zone/How_it_happens/How-1.htm)



So I had another check up this morning, my follicles aren't maturing. This isn't good. Anything could be going on... My cycle could just randomly be acting up this month... which is odd because my cycle is ALWAYS on time... NEVER late. It's VERY frustrating and I just want to scream.... I knew it was too good to be true, to finally be getting pregnant.

No matter what, now we have to find out why my follicles aren't maturing. As you can see of the explanation above, this is very important to getting pregnant at all.

I'm trying to stay confident but it gets hard when there's always something standing in the way of moving forward. I just have to stay hopeful....

Day 14

Every other day, early AM dr appointments. I’m getting aggravated and worried because I’m still not ready. My ovaries are not full yet…. Though my right ovary is beginning to get more full, my left… not so much. My Doctor seemed annoyed as well… or maybe questionable…? He doesn’t think I’m as full as I SHOULD be…. Let’s just hope that in the next day or so I will get more full…. Wednesday, another testing to see where I’m at…

Sitting in the waiting room today, I can’t help but to stare at all the women int here… wondering why they are there. I look to see if they are wearing a ring, to see if their husband is with them or if they have no ring at all. I wonder what brings them here and what each one of their stories are. It’s hard not to wonder. On last Friday’s visit my mom came with me, we saw a lady with twins come in… I couldn’t help but to think… is she selfish to want more kids? Why is she paying more money for more? She already has two… Maybe even more that just didn’t come with her. I know that’s a ridiculous thought. And I don’t REALLY think it… everyone has the right to have as many kids as they can want/ handle/ afford. I know sometimes I get a little bitter but it’s only natural … right? I mean I shouldn’t be jealous of her… she obviously did In vitro to have the twins.
I guess I’m just ready for it so much so, that I feel like it’s not going to happen. It’s always something holding it off… and though the doctor has told me time and time again, be patient this is a long process… it’s hard not to get doubts when SOMETHING holds you back all the time.

So, my goal for this week… BE PATIENT… Or, as patient as I can stand.

Day 9

Well my mom is in town for Thanksgiving! She got to go with me to the early AM appointment today to monitor me. My arm is so soar from getting blood drawn every other day.. and, I’m not quite ready yet so I have to go back in on Friday morning…. The day after thanksgiving… when I’m supposed to be going Black Friday Shopping! UUGH, That’s fine though… the beauty of black Friday shopping is it starts at 4AM! I have to be to the doctor between 8AM and 9AM, So I can get some shopping done!

So these every other day dr appts wouldn’t be so bad if I could alternate my arms! My right arm SUCKS! They can never get the vein in it… so I’m stuck getting blood taken from the same arm, same spot every time… so it’s bruised which means it hurts that much more when getting a needle poked in it!

We are still early but I’m HOPING on Friday I’ll be ready to move forward.. it would be VERY ideal for us to have the egg retrieval this weekend… that way I don’t have to take off work! But, we’ll see!


In the mean time, tomorrow is Thanksgiving!!!!! This year, we're having Thanksgiving at our house.
It’s going to be a small one… which is perfect for us this year, Just me, Justin, my mom, Justins mom and dad as well as his brother Paul and his cousin Sean Mike. My mom is at home cooking today and I’ll join her when I get home! This weekend should be pretty relaxing I think. I’m just excited to have a 4 day weekend! AND, I’m even more excited to start decorating for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!! I L-O-V-E CHRISTMAS!
Okay, that’s all I have today! CROSS YOUR FINGERS I GET GOOD NEWS FRIDAY!

Day 7

Today was more blood work and another ultrasound. Checking me to see if I’m ready for ovulation, ready for the egg retrieval.. Dr. D says it’s still too early : /
So I’ll be going back in on Weds EARLY 7AM again to do the blood work/ ultrasound again… hopefully I’ll be ready to get started!

IK, BLOOD WORK… I hate it by now! My veins used to be so good to get blood from! They use to be easily seen and stick o ut! Now, it seems like it’s always a hunt to find them! Since I had blood drawn just two days ago, my left arm is bruised still… my right arm SUCKS for getting blood… the nurse tried her best to fish around for the vein in the right arm… but couldn’t find it L SO, It had to go in the left arm… the bruised one.. if you’ve ever had a needle stuck in an already bruised arm… it’s not so fun… so now I’m sure I’ll have an even larger bruise. I’m sure it’s going to suck when I get more blood drawn two days from now!

Not to mention the appointment made me late to work again, an hour late. I won’t be taking a lunch to make up for the time but it sucks! EXP since no one knows that I’m doing this stuff, so it looks like I’m strolling into work at 10:15 like it’s no big deal… I hate that!

I’m just tired of going to the doctors! BUT, It’s for a good cause and to make Justin and my dream come true to have our family … so it is worth it!

Wish me luck on my next appointment!!! LET’S HOPE IT’S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD!

Baseline Monitoring

Today was my baseline. This is the beginning of the actual procedure.
The baseline assessment is very important to ensure that my body is ready to start IVF treatment. It involves having an ultrasound scan and a blood sample to check my womb, ovaries and hormone levels.
The ultrasound scan was performed with a vaginal scan as it gives a better image compared to an abdominal scan. The scan is used to check the lining of the womb and ovaries. It will diagnose abnormalities such as ovarian cysts, endometrium polyps, etc.
Dr. D also took the time to show me where my eggs were and explained that we have PLENTY of eggs to work with and that my ovaries looked GREAT! He told me if he even gave me fertility drugs I’d probably turn into an Easter egg! Which, the eggs were never the problem… the reason for the in vitro is my problem with getting the egg through the fallopian tube TO the uterus where it can be fertilized. Due to all the endometriomas and the surgeries my fallopian tubes basically don’t move anymore. Your fallopian tubes basically act like a vacuum, they suck out your eggs and then like a tube of a vacuum they move or float up and down to release the egg from the fallopian tube into the uterus….

A blood sample is usually taken to measure hormone levels such as estrogen, LH, FSH and AMH to assess ovarian reserve. The levels of these hormones may give an idea about the expected response to ovulation stimulation drugs. For instance, high levels of FSH may indicate poor response to ovarian stimulation, poor pregnancy rates and high rates of pregnancy loss regardless of age when compared with women who have normal results.
So we’ve paid the large amount of $$$ today and we are on our way to making our family :)

*** I AM NOT A DOCTOR.. I’M EXPLAINING THIS THROUGH MY OWN WORDS AS I UNDERSTAND IT… SO DON’T TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE FROM ME PLEASE*** LOL

The follicles are egg-containing areas inside the ovary. There are hundreds of thousands of follicles in each ovary, but during any one stimulation cycle only a few will accumulate fluid and grow large enough to appear on an ultrasound exam. Only the large follicles hold mature eggs.
The eggs are about a tenth of a millimeter in diameter, just under a size that is visible to the naked eye, so the actual egg cannot be seen on ultrasound. The follicle is about two hundred times bigger than the egg, and can be seen clearly when it is large enough. Each follicle usually contains one egg surrounded by granulosa cells. Granulosa cells surround the egg, produce the follicular fluid, produce estrogen, and support the egg in its development. In the normal menstrual cycle, only one follicle matures, reaching about an inch in diameter. Occasionally a follicle may not contain an egg, and even more rarely there may be two or more eggs per follicle.